High School Performance Artists Sought!

In my inbox today was the following email from Duke Boot Camp, which provides training for up and coming actors. It is the brain child of incomparable actor and director Bill Duke. 

The information below is all that I received so please do not direct any questions to me. I'm simply passing along the message in case it will allow someone to fulfill his or her dream of becoming an actor. Break a leg!

Email:

"GIVING BACK", a non-profit entertainment organization founded by Ken Sagoes, will conduct a Tribute to Black Performers on Saturday, February 22, 2014 and Sunday, February 23, 2014.  This Tribute will be in the form of a VAUDEVILLE style Salute to Black Performers from the 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's.

Dino Shorte, will be directing a portion of this show and is looking for high school aged performers who can LIP SYNC to music of various singers like Barry White, Sammy Davis Jr., Louis Armstrong, Cab Calloway, Diana Ross, The Supremes, Pattie LaBelle, etc.

The HIGH SCHOOL ACTOR would lip sync, dress and act AS that singer.  
 
If you know of ANY high-school aged performers who'd be interested, PLEASE CONTACT DINO SHORTE IMMEDIATELY at dinowrite@hotmail.com."
  


Dino Shorté

Kem featuring Patti LaBelle and Ron Isley - Jesus

I heard this song on the Steve Harvey Morning Show on Tuesday.  I was instantly in love with the song. I couldn't find a video showing a live performance of this. Hopefully, someone who attends one of the two upcoming concerts Kem mentioned on the show that will include Ms. Patti and Ron Isley will be able to record and post the performance. Jesus... no other name is so powerful. It's the only name you need to know.

His Day is Done - A Tribute Poem for Nelson Mandela by Dr. Maya Angelou

For The Art Lover in You

On a recent visit to Raleigh, NC, I needed to burn some extra time so, my sister and I wandered into a building that was purported to be an art gallery.  We walked out confused and disappointed because we encountered very little that could truly be construed as art.  As we walked away discussing our observations, a young man was sitting outside enjoying the gorgeous weather and a salad.  He asked if he could help us because we looked as if something was amiss. 

I thanked him for his concern and told him that we were fine but did not understand the "art gallery" that we had just exited. He jumped up with excitement, declared that he had a gallery and asked if we'd like to see it. We looked at each other and accepted his invitation.  As soon as we walked in, we were immersed in beautiful artwork that embodied what we had expected to encounter in the previous gallery.

Large paintings, obviously a set, in bright, vibrant hues hung to our left while a smiling blond, Dolly Parton, leaped from the canvas in front of us. The proud and profusely talented artist introduced himself as Keith McLaurin as he escorted us around the quaint home for his highly attractive works of art. I was struck by opulent depictions of Tupac Shakur, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, random abstracts, sports figures and even custom painted T-shirts.

McLaurin fell in love with drawing and painting after being assigned to draw a cardinal in first grade. He was unable to draw the North Carolina state bird so he enlisted the help of his mother. However, he was displeased with her "stick figure bird" and after hours of trying to draw one to his liking, he finally decided to simply trace the picture. The praise he received from his teachers motivated him to learn the craft in earnest. His best friend, Reggie Williams, taught him to draw and Keith has been a professional artist for thirteen years.

Years later, Williams' kindness lives on in Keith's life. The notion of paying it forward has not escaped this painter as he devotes a portion of his time and effort to mentoring children who have an interest in learning the art.  Parents make a small payment for art supplies but the lessons the kids receive each Saturday are priceless. McLaurin also manages a co-op of artists that includes Edwin Worth,  DEEZEEART, Anjuli Johnson, Mike Driven,  Anthony and Andrew Vaughn - a father and son collaboration, Rocky Reese, and Teresa Stephens, who is a photographer. In addition, he has been invited to travel to the Congo to create some of his unique art pieces that will be auctioned in New York in January to raise money for the Congo region.

Through his business, Pitch Media Gallery, Keith McLaurin offers custom painting services, commissioned artwork for Album/CD or book covers, body painting,  custom designed T-shirts and sneakers, and personal gallery viewings by appointment. 

Join Keith and his associates on every first Friday of the month for a showing from 6:30 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. If you're in the market for a one of a kind Christmas gift, the Pitch Black Friday Sale might be just the event for you. McLaurin is offering 50 tickets at $50.00 each that will guarantee the holders an original painting (select pieces) from his gallery.

Pitch Media Gallery is located at 14B Glenwood Avenue in Raleigh, North Carolina. For additional information, email Keith McLaurin at swiftcream919@yahoo.com.

 

Could Chromium Picolinate be the cure for Diabetes and aid in weight loss?

Millions of people suffer from diabetes, obesity or both and struggle to control these health issues. Either condition alone can be complicated but together, they can be overwhelming. So, patients often find themselves interested in  products claiming to be a cure for diabetes or the magic pill for weight loss. Yesterday, a tweet about another subject led me to a website with a link to the Diabetes Solution Kit - a cure - and it caught my attention. Once you click on the link, you are presented with a video, which is usually a red alert for me because you know the sales pitch is coming. Still, I watched it. Hey, if there's a cure for diabetes, I want to know about it. 

The video was repetitive, full of a lot of words - spoken and written - that really said a lot of nothing. The viewer is urged time and again to watch the video to the end. I was unable to find a pause button, or any button for that matter, so that I could stop the video and return to it later. Yes, this was by design to keep viewers glued to the screen. The video was long, boring and tedious. And just as expected, it all led up to a the speaker trying to sell books (download or download and printed) to those hoping to find a "cure" for diabetes. What exactly is this miracle cure? Cinnamon and Chromium Picolinate. Sure, everyone's heard of and has eaten cinnamon in some recipe or other. You may have even heard of Chromium. But what the heck is Picolinate?

I couldn't answer that question but I know how to Google it. What I found was not good and that was not surprising. Read the article - be warned, it is long and tedious as well but much more forthcoming with interesting and useful facts. I believe that you will come to a similar conclusion as the one I reached. Chromium Picolinate is not a a cure for diabetes and it is a health risk. There are better ways to control your blood sugar level, including adding cinnamon and other spices and foods to your diet, increasing exercise, getting the proper amount of sleep, and reducing the amount of sugar (refined and natural) taken in daily. Fruits should be thought of as sweet treats or dessert and eaten in moderation. There are a few vegetables, such as carrots, that fall into this category as well because of the large amount of natural sugar they contain. Drink at least two (2) liters of water a day. That equals approximately four (4) 16.9 oz bottles of water.

My search of Dr.Oz's website did not yield any information on Chromium Picolinate but I did find this helpful slide show about foods one should eat to lower the blood sugar and lower body weight. Try these foods to Eat Yourself Skinny. There are even some recipes to try.  

Always take the time to investigate any claims of "cures" or above average results of any supplement as they are not  regulated by the FDA.

Could your high school music program use $10,000? Enter the Get Pitch Perfect With Foreigner contest.

Foreigner has teamed up with the Grammy Foundation to help one lucky high school boost their music program with a $10,000.00 donation. All it takes is a 15-30 second Public Service Announcement about the importance of music in school. The deadline to enter the contest is November 15, 2013. Details can be obtained by visiting http://www.grammy.org/news/get-pitch-perfect-with-foreigner-and-the-grammy-foundation. If this is music to your ears and you plan to enter your school in the contest, best of luck! 

Here's a snippet of Foreigner performing on the Queen Latifah show backed by a high school choir.

CBS This Morning presents Note to Self: Tyler Perry

I've made it no secret that I subscribe to Tyler Perry's newsletter. The most recent letter from Tyler talks about his participation in the CBS This Morning segment called Note to Self. Perry says it changed his life and urges others to write a letter to their younger selves. His is a piece that is loving, introspective,and encouraging yet powerful. Before seeing his, I saw this exercise as experienced by reality TV star and entrepreneur, Evelyn Lozada. Her letter to her 7-year-old self was moving as well. It seems that writing a letter to one's younger self is a tool by which one can bring about healing of past injuries and hurts. It also appears to be painful but in a manner that soothes the old sore places and promotes healing. Only you can decide if it is a tool that you are willing to use to repair the dilapidated areas of your life. Why not? As long as you are still alive, you have the power to change your life. And, of course, you're so worth it!

Gladys Knight goes Old School on the Queen Latifah Show

The timeless Gladys Knight performed her new single, Old School, on the Queen Latifah Show. The Empress of Soul still throws down on stage. The album Another Journey is available on iTunes and Amazon and features "I Hope You Dance" which so many loved in the movie Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys. Listen to her kick it "Old School"!

Debt collector's secret to success? Advocating for those who are struggling.

At a time when families who have already been rocked by financial upset face even harder times because of the resent and unnecessary government shutdown, this feel-good story by CBS Evening News is worth sharing. Tip your hat to Bill Bartmann, a debt collector who practices consumer advocacy. He believes in helping people through his company, CFS II. Hmm... a debt collector who helps those he is charged with collecting from. How often does that happen?!

Cancer Support Services (CSS)... Charity or Scam?

As I thumbed through my mail the other day, I was surprised to find an envelope with "A Friendly reminder: Please honor your pledge" on it in bold letters. I looked at the return address and knew immediately that I had never had any contact with this organization as I had never even heard of it. "How dare they make it seem as though I made a pledge and did not pay," I thought to myself. 

I called Cancer Support Services at the number on the back side of the letter, 1-313-565-5901, and a man answered. I told him that I received the letter and wanted to know what it was all about.  He asked for my phone number so I gave him the number listed on the letter. He "pulled up the record" and verified my name.

"Well, it looks like someone contacted you on August 8th and took a pledge," he continued.

"I've never heard of your charity and no one could have contacted me at that number because that is not my phone number," I assured him.

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'll take you off of this, then."

"Yeah, you do that," I said in a stern  and obviously aggravated voice.

I fully expect to hear from this so-called charity again because there are complaints about them contacting people multiple times, especially if you fall for the ruse and actually send them money.  They collect millions of dollars from unsuspecting people who are trying to do a good deed and help cancer victims. Donors are unwittingly stuffing the pockets of these thieves, becoming victims themselves of a scam.  CSS consists of a father and son who are getting rich off of their pretense. The mother of the family has since struck out on her own and has a separate "charity" that she claims supports breast cancer victims.  

I can't tell you what to do with your money, but I would certainly caution you to think long and hard and then think again before giving any donation to Cancer Support Services (CSS), also known as Cancer Fund of America Support Services. The web addresses are different but lead to the same site (www.cfasupportservices.org/home.htm  and  www.cancersupportservices.net). A quick internet search yielded some interesting information that you can read for yourself. Please don't fall for this devious trickery.

Charity Navigator: Post by Raymond Davis detailing his experience with CSS

Boston BBB:Cancer Charity Soliciting Nationally Raises Millions, But Almost No Cash Goesto Direct Aid

AC Services / Breast Cancer Society: Before You Donate, Read This

Read comments by others solicited by CSS

Come on! Do the Sweetie Pie with Miss Robbie!

Miss Robbie Montgomery, star of the OWN hit Welcome to Sweetie Pie's celebrated
her 73rd birthday with a banging performance of a dance tune written
just for her by her son, Tim. It's catchy and Ms. Robbie belts it
out with enthusiasm. Come on! Do the Sweetie Pie and dance along
with Ms. Robbie. She could totally rock this song at a club.
Get it, girl! "Do the Pimp Walk!" That line cracks me up.

Do the Sweetie Pie Music Video


Live Party Performance


Now that's how it's done. Shake your Sweetie Pie, people!

XFactor Contestant Ashly Williams slays Whitney's signature song!

Written by Dolly Parton and recorded by multiple singers (including Parton), "I Will Always Love You" did not become a mega-hit until it was given the Whitney Houston treatment. She famously recorded the touching ballad for the soundtrack for her movie The Body Guard. Since then, many a contestant has sung that song in hopes of showcasing their talent. Last night on The XFactor, 24-year-old Ashly Williams did just that. She mesmerized the entire audience, even the hard-to-please Simon Cowell. All of the female judges were in tears, as was I. Ashly dedicated her performance to her mother, a murder victim. I have no doubt Ashley made her mother and Whitney proud. She will be the one the other contestants will need to beat out in this season's competition.Watch her performance in the video below. You will be moved.

Whitney Houston  I Will Always Love You

Meet me at the intersection of OWN and Twitter!

Here is my personal invitation to you. Yes, YOU, sir;  YOU madam. Please, join me on Tuesday at 9:00 p.m. for the best way to enjoy a vice without actually engaging in the activity yourself. Let the cast of The Haves and The Have Nots do it for you. OWN's night time soap opera created by Tyler Perry is the thing that causes me to shut out the rest of the world for an hour, save my Twitter peeps.  That's why I asked you to meet me at the intersection of OWN and Twitter because I watch the show and tweet about it with other fans. A good time is had by all.

If you've never seen the show, I could recap the highs and lows for you but it would not measure up to watching the real thing. So, you'll just have to watch for yourself and experience the sheer elation this drama evokes. I don't want to be bothered when it's on. Really.

If you have been watching, I have a question for you. Which character gave you life, honey? Who is your favorite Have? Who is the Have Not you like to see most?

Yes, of course, I'm answering the questions.

Favorite Have: Katheryn Cryer.  Renee Lawless (@MsReneeLawless) is Katheryn Cryer. No flattering adjective phrases like "masterfully played" or "spectacular performance" are necessary. She embodies the character. That's the best compliment any actor can be given. Make me believe. I will repeat an earlier assertion that she reminds me of accomplished actress Kathy Bates in her portrayal of the matriarch in the Tyler Perry movie, The Family That Preys, just younger. I could not imagine anyone else playing Katheryn.

Honorable Mention: Have Veronica Harrington. Actress Angela Robinson gets on my last nerve as Veronica. So, she is certainly doing her job right. I can't stand a snob, so it's very easy to dislike Veronica. She takes snootiness to places it's never been before. She did show some sense of compassion in the last episode. I felt she used that nasty attitude she's always armed with for good that time. She redeemed herself last Tuesday night. Veronica actually made me proud, bougie heifer that she is. DO IT, Angela Robinson! Yes!

Favorite Have Not: Hanna Young. Crystal Fox (@Only1CrystalFox) gets my vote. Hanna is like me in many ways--- single parent, battling health issues, leans on God to get her through and wants the best for her children. Hanna is strong but not hard. No pretenses; she's just who she is. Her hair is natural and she wears a wig when she goes out. I'm going natural (again) and will probably need a wig when I venture out of the house. That's about where our similarities end.  I don't have her patience and I still cuss. Hey, I'm a work in progress just like you.

Honorable Mention:  Have Not Candace Young as interpreted by the incomparable Tika Sumpter (@iamtikasumpter). No one can refute the fact that Candace is the drama of the show. She is brash, bold and everything a true bad girl ought to be with a cherry on top! She is the bad girl that all good girls keep buried deep, deep inside for fear she will run amok and there will be no taming her once that level of freedom is experienced. Yes, Sumpter is that good. Better. Bet-ter!!!

And ladies, if you must have a little eye candy to keep you interested, Benny Young (Tyler Lepley) and Wyatt Cryer (Aaron O'Connell) have that covered. They are beautiful men. With big muscles and handsome faces you can't take your eyes off. I mean, if you like that kind of thing, girls. Um hm!

Come on! Tuesday. 9:00 p.m. EST. Virtual corner of OWN and Twitter. You'll be glad you came.  

Lee Daniels' "The Butler"

Image: hitfix.com

Saturday evening, I went to see "The Butler". Lee Daniels captures the viewers' attention immediately and never lets it go. The number of viewers at the last matinee was surprising to say the least. There were too many empty seats to take the trouble to count. If you are reading this and wondering if you should bother to spend your money on a ticket, let your doubts be allayed.

Even if you think, as I did, that you knew enough about the Civil Rights movement and you did not need to see another movie about it, have another thought coming on the heels of that one. While the movie is definitely a history lesson for anyone who did not have an actual role in the movement, The Butler is so much more than that.

The movie delves into family drama from various aspects... father, son discord; a husband who is a good man and provider but is lacking as a marriage partner; a second child who flounders in a family position that is never clearly defined for him. Betrayal, loyalty, loud courage, quiet compliance and a myriad of other issues carry the viewer on a ride that has more ups, downs, twists and turns than a long, winding river. 

All of the actors give sterling performances. Any true fan of Forest Whitaker knows that no matter what the role, he embodies the character completely. Oprah Winfrey made me believe that she was "Gloria". It is evident that this is a role that spoke to her from the pages of the script. The iconic Jane Fonda is perfect as former First Lady Nancy Reagan. 

Image: craveonline.com

Be prepared to have your heart run the full scope of emotions. I was angry, happy, hurt, deflated, uplifted, disappointed, and hopeful during the showing. You will be, too. Seeing what people endured in that era from the perspective of someone who was not considered to be on the front lines of the movement was thought provoking. It helped me to look at things in my own life from a different perspective.

upi.com

Take that much needed break you've been promising yourself that you would and allow yourself to be entertained, enlightened and changed. You will not walk out of the theater with the same sense of right and wrong and that tense area in between. Race relations will not magically become better but the current young generation will have a better understanding of why some things are the way that they are. Perhaps they will be inspired to live in such a way that harmony between the races will be embraced and promoted and hatred will be fervently denounced.

Most of all, it is my belief that you will leave the show with a thirst to better your relationships with your family and friends. So, you see, the price of the ticket to have a seat and watch The Butler is minuscule compared to the incalculable values you will walk away with. Go see the film. Take a friend, or even better, a family member with whom you need to mend a bond. The only way that your heart will not be touched is if you don't have one.

Be blessed!

Sunida 

P.S.  I think that Lee Daniels is positively brilliant! This story is told in a manner that is familiar yet fresh and intriguing.  And the man took glamorous diva Mariah Carey and turned her into a field negro. What?!!  I'm done!  Although I can't imagine that you have not seen the trailer, it is posted below just in case.

  

The Perfect Substitute

Sometimes it is necessary to find someone to stand in for us when we cannot be present. Parents hire babysitters to watch their children when they have to be away from home. Substitute teachers fill in for full-time teachers when they need to be absent from class for some reason. We all have situations at one time or another when we could use a substitute to act in our stead.

I encountered a situation that was complicated and it had me torn. Being there was possible but would have been accomplished with great difficulty. Wanting to be there was never going to happen. Prior experience had taught me that this was at least part of my walls of Jericho. No matter how I approached it, I have not gotten past the wall. If I showed up when needed, I was wrong. If I decided that it was best to stay away, I was wrong. If I said something, I should have kept my mouth shut. If I didn't say anything, I should have spoken up. The wall is always up and there is no way around it.

My decision on how to handle the situation was to step back, say nothing, and do nothing. There were others who could continue the march around the walls of Jericho. Perhaps they could accomplish what I could not. Someone else could stand in and substitute. 

The substitute may be under qualified. He or she could be over qualified. The substitute may be just proficient enough. If one could have the ideal choice, the candidate who exceeded the qualifications would be given the job. That is precisely what I decided to do. I handed my problem situation over to someone who would know exactly what to do at all times. No one can do that, right? Wrong!

God is the perfect substitute. I woke up with that thought on my mind and I knew that it was the answer that I had been seeking. No more marching around that particular walls of Jericho with nothing to show for it but swollen, painful feet and worn out shoes and patience. No more second guessing what I should do or say. With God, it is done. It is not complicated for Him.

What's your walls of Jericho? What is the problem that you can't fix? Stop going round and round never finding a way past that wall. Offer the job to God and let Him stand in your stead. God is the perfect substitute and His salary requirement is completely doable... a prayer. That's right. He is only a prayer away.

Wishing you Peace, Love, and Happiness,

Sunida

You Deserve the Best!

Image: Glogster

The previous post, Life Class with Oprah: Daddyless Daughters,  summarized my take on the show and the accompanying Twitter discussion. If you've ever participated in a "chat" via Twitter, you know that the tweets are numerous and come extremely fast. It is impossible to read them all, watch the television show you are tweeting about and get in a few tweets of your own. I keep up as best I can but I do miss quite a few. Once, I missed one from The Big O as I participated in a live taping via Twitter. Yes, I kicked myself the day I realized it. I'll tell you about that incident later.

The tweet that I wish to focus on today is directly related to the Daddyless Daughters issue.  At some point, the panelists were discussing the fact that women raised without their fathers tend to settle for someone who is not worthy of them because they are trying so hard to fill a void left by the absence of a father. One of the people I follow on twitter, MadameNoire, posted the following.

MadameNoire ‏@MadameNoire

Good Question: How do I know what I deserve if I've never had it? #DaddylessDaughters #Lifeclass

My immediate reaction was simple.   

Sunida York ‏@SuniDae

@leolag @MadameNoire @dPoeticFloacist Trust those gut feelings.If something makes you feel bad about yourself or uncomfortable, it's not 4 U

Image - Laurae Richards

So many children grow up without knowing what they deserve because they were never taught to value themselves. Perhaps they were not physically abused but the verbal insults were a normal part of their daily lives. Maybe the parent was physically present but emotionally absent, failing to show affection to the child, which is vital in forming positive self-esteem. Whatever the case, if you have never had the type of treatment you deserve, how will you know what to reject and what to savor?

The Creator, in His infinite wisdom, gave us this little thing called the "gut feeling". Thankfully, we all have it and it is not something that needs to be taught nor can it be stifled. Many of us ignore it, but it is still there. That gut feeling makes you aware that something is not quite right. You may not know exactly what the problem is at the moment that you are experiencing it but the important thing is that something is causing uneasiness.  As I tweeted, if something makes you feel bad about yourself or makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's not for you. Leave whatever that happens to be alone.  

Sometimes we are not sure about what we're feeling, so we seek advice from someone we trust. While the advice can be helpful, it can also be wrong. That gut feeling is never wrong. Think of it as an internal alarm. So, then, you are essentially asking someone else to evaluate your internal alarm system. They can try to interpret it for you but only you know how intense your gut feeling is and how often you feel it.

Be true to you. Learn to appreciate and heed those gut feelings. Remove yourself from whomever or whatever triggers the bad gut feeling and do not return to it. It sounds simple but there will be many times when it's quite difficult. Personal relationships and job situations are the most excruciating to deal with and rectify. If that gut feeling that you dread keeps cropping up, it is alerting you to danger of some sort. Even if the danger is only that your sanity is at stake each day that you have to deal with the verbally abusive boss, the co-worker who won't stop hitting on you, the boyfriend who wants to know where you are every moment, etc. Nothing about either one of those or so many other situations is funny, cute or acceptable.

If you don't like snakes and someone gave you one for your birthday, would you just smile and offer thanks for that unwanted gift? Probably not. You would probably scream, run and tell the giver to get that "gift" away from you. Apply a similar (but perhaps less dramatic) response to the person bringing you negativity, undue and non-constructive criticism, misplaced fault, fear, violence  or other unwanted drama... decline the gift as something you cannot appreciate or embrace. Therefore, the giver is left with the options of giving you a different (and hopefully better) gift or not giving you anything at all. Sometimes, the latter is actually best. No one needs the kind of aggravation mentioned here.

Respect. It comes down to that simple word. However, it is not something that should be demanded. Instead, respect is given voluntarily when the giver realizes that it has been earned by the intended receiver. Respect it not to be confused with fear. Fearing someone is vastly different than respecting him or her. If you respect yourself,  you treat yourself well and project an image that affirms that you are strong and confident, intelligent, fair and a proponent of doing what's right. Those are but a few of the characteristics of people who are well respected. Such people are less likely to fall victim to unscrupulous personalities. That is not to say that they will not be approached by them, but they tend to move on to a new target when that shield of respect becomes too much of a hassle to penetrate.

So, even if you don't know what you deserve because you have never had it, your gut tells you what you don't deserve.  Respect that. Listen to your instincts and act in your own best interest. Leave the offensive situation as soon as it is feasible to do so safely . Do not return for reasons that are enticing but not realistic or practical. As long as you are willing to accept things that are less than what you really deserve, that is what will be given to you. You deserve the best.

Image- GPB

Image - SheKnows

You deserve the best!

Related Links:

Daughters Need Fathers, Too

How Dads Shape Daughters' Relationships

Father-Daughter Relationships: Dads Do Make a Difference

The Importance of the Father-Daughter Relationship

How to Patch Broken Father-Daughter Relationship

Fathers and Daughters - Journeys of the Heart

A Father-Daughter Dance... in Prison

Fathers and Daughters: Why Dads Need to be Heroes

Life Class with Oprah:Daddyless Daughters

Image: IMDb

Oprah Winfrey has stated frequently that she wants to use her platform to enlighten and inspire. Recently, she embarked on a life-changing journey with Life Coach Iyanla Vanzant, Dr. Steve Perry and Geoffrey Canada. Ms. Vanzant has a show on the OWN network called Iyanla Fix My Life. Both Perry and Canada are visionaries and phenomenal mentors to countless children through their respective programs. With these three more-than-capable guides by her side, Oprah set out to help men reach a new and better destiny by healing the pain and problem causing effects of being fatherless sons growing up. The Life Class show Fatherless Sons was a powerful motive for men to clean out the emotional garbage, restructure their thinking and become better fathers to their sons and daughters.

That two-part show garnered such an overwhelming response that Winfrey was prompted to answer the call of her millions of female viewers who also feel the negative ramifications of spending their formative years without the benefit of a father's love, wisdom, guidance and oh-so-important acceptance. Daddyless Daughters Life Class was born. Many of us watched both episodes and tweeted the valuable information gleaned when selected viewers shared their childhood stories that were harmful and set them up for angst and suffering even into adulthood and Vanzant, Perry and Canada dissected, diagnosed and treated whatever it was that ailed them. There was healing to be had by all.

I came away convinced that all children need a Steve Perry or a Geoffrey Canada in the form of a father who is willingly present, engaged, protective, encouraging, accepting and loving. Since that clearly is not the case for millions of children, they all would be blessed to have a mentor like an Iyanla Vanzant who teaches them to examine the problem, extract and embrace the truth and chisel out a more realistic view of their life. Accepting yourself where you are and improving upon that at your own pace while knowing that your "work" is never fully completed is key. One must acknowledge and announce his or her own truth for meaningful change and real healing to begin. Of course, I am paraphrasing Iyanla here.

When I heard Iyanla say, "People do the best they can with what they have," it took me back to a conversation with my aunt because she said the exact same thing to me as I searched for the "why" of my own situation (which is not this particular subject, just to clarify). That little jewel allows one to be able to have compassion even when understanding is unobtainable. It gives you the freedom to meet that person in the "right now" of where they are instead of being chained to the past. More importantly, it encourages you to disconnect yourself from the guilt that has kept you fettered to your own lapses in judgment that have caused problems for you and your offspring.

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult gifts to give. When you are trying to reconcile your childhood problems, think about another thing my aunt told me... "But for the grace of God, there go I." I remember and repeat it often. For, were it not for God's grace, mercy, undying and unconditional love and His willingness to watch over us when we fail to watch out for ourselves, the person in need of forgiveness could be me or you. That standard can be applied to any situation.

If you did not have the perfect parents, you are not alone. If you are not perfect, you are not alone. The good news is that you will never be alone in that regard because no one is perfect and you can always improve your character and your lifestyle. Find a good mentor who will listen and impart the wisdom he or she has gathered over the years. Pay attention because people tend to show up in our lives when we need them. That's God watching over us. However, if you don't find a personal mentor, there is no shortage of self-help books to read and implement the changes suitable for repairing the holes in your life.

Remember, you are good enough. If someone doesn't think that you are good enough for him or her, that person does not deserve your attention. Do not allow such people to occupy your time or space. You show up for so many others, show up for yourself. Be present and truly participate in your life and that of your children.

Although I managed to tweet some good points from the class, there were so many more. Please check your local television listings to see when the shows will air again on the OWN network. In the meantime, I leave you with these quotes with the life coach who said it noted when possible. Most can be attributed to Iyanla Vanzant.

Tell the absolute truth. Give up the story that you've told yourself about yourself. Forgive yourself.

Deal with that truth... "Daddy gone." Now what? You take responsibility for the here and now.

Be the woman that you want your daughter to be. - Dr. Steve Perry

Re-Claim, Re-Define, Re-Create yourself as an adult, not as the little girl.

Clean up the mess and shift the energy in your life.

Everyone messes up but you can't make that your story. The question is, "What do I do next?"

Don't lower your standards to avoid being alone. If you lower your standards, then you are not alone. You are worse than being alone. You have picked up a liability. - Dr. Steve Perry

Accept the truth for what it is and set boundaries and standards.

Read the books but learn to be with yourself. Give yourself permission to be who you are moment by moment until it changes.

Social Lab Work: 2 Healing Exercises for Daddyless Daughters by Iyanla Vanzant.  

AT&T 's demeaning commercials go unopposed.

Paula Deen has been the subject of public scrutiny. She has lost several sources of income. Deen is now infamous for being a racist in addition to being famous for her cooking.  Yet, one of the largest phone service providers airs multiple "It's not complicated" commercials showing young black children saying downright dumb things or simply looking dimwitted while the white children deliver the intelligent lines and this egregious practice goes unopposed. 

At first, I decided that it was one commercial and not worth making a fuss over.  "I wonder who that mother is who would want her child to appear in a commercial so badly that she would allow AT&T to demean her kid by having him (or her) look stupid on national television," I commented to my son. That was pretty much the end of it for me. 

It was just the beginning. The AT&T commercials apparently have commercial appeal (pun intended) because the communications giant keeps rolling them out. I believe there are at least four of them.  In each instance, the African-American child is saddled with the less than sharp commentary while the white children are made to look clever.  The host of the question/answer session with the children is a white male.

With racial tensions running high because of the controversial Zimmerman verdict, the last thing that I wish to do is stir the pot.  However, it is evident that AT&T is going to continue to exploit these children and no one is paying attention. Again, the parents are allowing their children to appear in the commercials, but that does not mean that the general public cannot speak up on their behalf. Let's let AT&T know that we are watching and it's not because we find their commercials amusing. They offend me each time they air, hence my post. 

AT&T, Change your shameful practices! It's not complicated.

Note: While searching for the commercials to add to my post, I found this video of another person who feels the same as I do, that there is a clear pattern of the black children being made to look ridiculous in these commercials.


  

The devil made me do it! Part II

In the last post, I stopped shy of revealing why the encounter with the stranger was problematic. Let's get right to it. The lie that I told became unimportant when I realized that I had been concentrating on the wrong thing. It became much more important that I had let my guard down, did not pay attention to my surroundings and assumed that my environment was safe.  Any one of those things can make you vulnerable but altogether they can put you in jeopardy. 

As a survivor of Military Sexual Assault, I knew my assailant so I felt no need to be guarded, to keep a close eye on where he was situated at all times, nor did I think that I was in danger with him around. I also worried so much about what people would say if they found out. That should have been the least of my worries.   

While discussing it with my friend, it occurred to me that the lie probably fell out so easily because subconsciously, I realized that this guy had followed me to an area where I would likely be alone rather than approach me in the lobby where there were people (and potential witnesses) everywhere. In other words, his actions likely took me back to that vulnerable, scary place, even though I wasn't aware at the time. It's highly probable that instinct kicked in to keep me from making an already undesirable situation worse. It needed to be done to correct the mistakes I had already made that landed me in that predicament.

When I'm out by myself, I usually scan my sector to see who's around, what they're doing and if they appear to be a potential threat.  I pay attention to gut feelings and act accordingly, and I try never to be around men who eye me too much. You never know what they're thinking and it's just creepy.

It's a big deal  for several reasons.  The most obvious should be that women can never be too careful due to the fact that the average man can overpower a woman even if she fights back. Men and women alike can easily become victims if someone sneaks up from behind and gains the advantage. People with devious intentions hide behind smiles and a kind tone all the time. It only takes a moment for a situation to go south.

I'm happy that I was closer to the basement door than I was to that guy.  I think I would have gotten away if I had to run for it. He may be a perfectly nice man, but something about him following me to that stairwell did not sit well with me and made me cringe.  Weapons are not allowed in the hospital, of course, and there was nothing available to fend him off if that had become necessary.  My son has taught me some fantastic moves that the Army never taught me when I was serving, so I can only hope that I would not panic and employ them correctly. You can always speculate about what you'd do in a given hostile situation but you'll never know until you're in it and have to act under pressure.

Honestly, dude has caused me to rethink things. Because I was jolted from my comfort zone, I think that I must go back to the way I used to be.  I avoided smiling, especially at men since most of them are so egotistical that they assume you must want them if you smile back. I can speak without flashing the teeth. Now, if he's seriously cute, I might forget and smile while I'm saying "Heeeeey."

Seriously, ladies, whether or not you smile, please remember to keep your wits about you, be aware of your surroundings and be careful! Tune in to your instincts and don't dismiss the gut feelings and never assume that you are safe no matter where you are.  Be proactive and perhaps you won't have to be reactive.

Peace.

Sunida

The devil made me do it!

Something happened yesterday that very rarely does and it left me wondering why I did it.  The first answer that I settled on was simple.  The devil made me do it!  That little phrase brought back fond memories of the late comedian Flip Wilson who played a character named Geraldine.  Each time that Geraldine did something questionable, she said, "The devil made me do it!"

The simple answer, while funny, was not good enough for me so I gave it a bit more thought.  Wait, I forgot to tell you what I did.  I lied to get myself out of an extremely uncomfortable situation.   That is not how I operate.  It either is or it isn't; it's black or white with virtually no room for iffyness or shades of gray.  Since most people don't care to hear the truth without a little shellac, it makes me seem abrasive.

Here's the to do.  I passed a random man, just one of many, while at the Veteran's Hospital.  He smiled and greeted me.  As is customary, I responded in kind.  Later, I saw him again and he smiled and gave the head nod.  I nodded and got in line.  While I waited for my turn at the service window, another veteran and I chatted to pass the time.  After I signed my paperwork,  I headed to the stairwell leading to the basement rather than taking the elevator.  It's just a little bit of much needed exercise.

Halfway down the stairs, I am completely caught off guard by a man's voice. 

"Excuse me!" He added, "I don't mean no harm," motioning downward with his hands  as if to say "calm down" when I turned my head in his direction, obviously startled.  "I think you very attractive. I was wondering... you married?"

"Uh, no. But I'm seeing someone," I hurriedly added the last part in order to quit the conversation as soon as possible.

"Okay. Like I said, I don't mean no harm."

I realized I was still giving him my best "don't f*@k with me" look. "Okay," I responded as I quickly continued my descent to the basement.

The feeling I felt when that man startled me lingered.  I found myself telling my son about it when I returned home.  A friend and professional contact called and before I even realized it, I was telling her how the incident fouled up my day. That's when it finally dawned on me that I wasn't upset just because I lied to get rid of him.  It was much deeper than that.  After all, I did what I needed to do in that moment to extricate myself from an undesirable situation -- unexpectedly finding myself alone in a stairwell with a strange man whose intentions were unknown to me.

Here is what truly bothered me:

1.  I let my guard down.

2.  I did not pay attention to my surroundings.

3.  I assumed I was safe in my current environment (the hospital).

4. After the incident, I focused on the wrong thing (the lie).

Before heading for the stairwell, I noticed the man looking at me and smiling but I totally ignored him, thinking only of getting to my next destination, filling out the paperwork there, stopping by the dental clinic to find out why my appointment was cancelled without a new one being set up and getting back on the road to go home. Besides, he was just one of many men who smiled and spoke or even tried to strike up a conversation. That's not unusual at the VA hospital.  The male patients have always greatly outnumbered the female patients, so just because of sheer volume, I assume, a woman tends to get lots of attention, whether wanted or warranted. 

And who hits on women at the damn hospital? It's always happened to me but I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would think of the hospital as a potential place to pick up a date.  You have no idea why that person is there for treatment.  Trust and believe when I tell you that it's not just other patients but employees as well. Seriously, guys? That's probably not the best idea you've ever had.  It wouldn't be my choice of places to find a suitable man.

Anyhow, once I get even an inkling that a guy is eyeing me in a way I am not comfortable with, the smile is put away and the stone face comes up.  Thinking back on it, I did feel a bit annoyed that the man was looking at me while I was in line but I dismissed it because he just happened to be sitting in a chair where that row faces the window I was waiting to get to.  I thought that as long as I didn't look that way, there wouldn't be a problem.  I let my guard down.

I saw that man look at me as I left for the stairs but I didn't give it a second thought.  I went into the stairwell and never looked back until I heard his voice, looked around and realized that he had followed me. He was able to open the door to the stairwell without my hearing it. Footsteps... I heard nothing.  As I admitted earlier, I was deep in thought about the other things I had to do before going home. I did not pay attention to my surroundings.

No one would probably be overly concerned about something bad happening to him or her at the hospital, right?  Well, once I found myself alone in that stairwell with some random guy hot on my heels, it was not a comfortable place to be. In retrospect, that stairwell was eerily quiet, especially compared to the buzz of multiple conversations being carried on by the many veterans and family members in the waiting area near the main entrance. There are two heavy doors, one each separating the first floor and the basement, which means that stairwell is encapsulated.  The probability of someone hearing me scream is low (in my opinion). Yet, obviously, I assumed that I was safe in that environment.

After I was back on the road and had time to think, I kept wondering why I didn't just say what I usually say when a guy that I am not interested in shows interest in me.

"Thanks but I'm not interested in meeting anyone right now." 

It's that or some variation of it. I have no problem with having it simply roll off my tongue. On this particular day, in that particular moment, I did not feel that I should say it.  So, I lied because I didn't want him to come back with a request for my phone number or some similar question after I confirmed that I was not married. It bothered me that I didn't come out with it and tell that guy that it didn't matter whether I was married or single because he was not someone I would date. The fact of the matter is, he startled me and made me extremely uncomfortable and I did what I had to do to get out of the situation. The lie was the wrong focal point.

Reader, you're probably wondering why the situation as a whole bothered me so much.  I'll tell you in my next post. 

Thanks for stopping by -- even if the devil made you do it!

Sunida