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| Image: Glogster |
The previous post, Life Class
with Oprah: Daddyless Daughters,
summarized my take on the show and the accompanying Twitter discussion. If
you've ever participated in a "chat" via Twitter, you know that the
tweets are numerous and come extremely fast. It is impossible to read them all,
watch the television show you are tweeting about and get in a few tweets of
your own. I keep up as best I can but I do miss quite a few. Once, I missed one
from The Big O as I participated in a live taping via Twitter. Yes, I kicked
myself the day I realized it. I'll tell you about that incident later.
The tweet that I wish to focus
on today is directly related to the Daddyless Daughters issue. At some point, the panelists were discussing
the fact that women raised without their fathers tend to settle for someone who
is not worthy of them because they are trying so hard to fill a void left by
the absence of a father. One of the people I follow on twitter, MadameNoire,
posted the following.
Good Question: How do I
know what I deserve if I've never had it? #DaddylessDaughters
#Lifeclass
My immediate reaction was simple.
@leolag @MadameNoire @dPoeticFloacist Trust those gut feelings.If something makes
you feel bad about yourself or uncomfortable, it's not 4 U
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| Image - Laurae Richards |
So many children grow up
without knowing what they deserve because they were never taught to value
themselves. Perhaps they were not physically abused but the verbal insults were
a normal part of their daily lives. Maybe the parent was physically present but
emotionally absent, failing to show affection to the child, which is vital in
forming positive self-esteem. Whatever the case, if you have never had the type
of treatment you deserve, how will you know what to reject and what to savor?
The Creator, in His infinite
wisdom, gave us this little thing called the "gut feeling".
Thankfully, we all have it and it is not something that needs to be taught nor
can it be stifled. Many of us ignore it, but it is still there. That gut
feeling makes you aware that something is not quite right. You may not know exactly
what the problem is at the moment that you are experiencing it but the
important thing is that something is causing uneasiness. As I tweeted, if something makes you feel bad
about yourself or makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's not for you. Leave
whatever that happens to be alone.
Sometimes we are not sure about
what we're feeling, so we seek advice from someone we trust. While the advice
can be helpful, it can also be wrong. That gut feeling is never wrong. Think of
it as an internal alarm. So, then, you are essentially asking someone else to
evaluate your internal alarm system. They can try to interpret it for you but only
you know how intense your gut feeling is and how often you feel it.
Be true to you. Learn to
appreciate and heed those gut feelings. Remove yourself from whomever or
whatever triggers the bad gut feeling and do not return to it. It sounds simple
but there will be many times when it's quite difficult. Personal relationships
and job situations are the most excruciating to deal with and rectify. If that
gut feeling that you dread keeps cropping up, it is alerting you to danger of
some sort. Even if the danger is only that your sanity is at stake each day
that you have to deal with the verbally abusive boss, the co-worker who won't
stop hitting on you, the boyfriend who wants to know where you are every
moment, etc. Nothing about either one of those or so many other situations is
funny, cute or acceptable.
If you don't like snakes and
someone gave you one for your birthday, would you just smile and offer thanks
for that unwanted gift? Probably not. You would probably scream, run and tell
the giver to get that "gift" away from you. Apply a similar (but
perhaps less dramatic) response to the person bringing you negativity, undue
and non-constructive criticism, misplaced fault, fear, violence or other unwanted drama... decline the gift as
something you cannot appreciate or embrace. Therefore, the giver is left with the
options of giving you a different (and hopefully better) gift or not giving you
anything at all. Sometimes, the latter is actually best. No one needs the kind
of aggravation mentioned here.
Respect. It comes down to that
simple word. However, it is not something that should be demanded. Instead,
respect is given voluntarily when the giver realizes that it has been earned by
the intended receiver. Respect it not to be confused with fear. Fearing someone
is vastly different than respecting him or her. If you respect yourself, you treat yourself well and project an image
that affirms that you are strong and confident, intelligent, fair and a proponent
of doing what's right. Those are but a few of the characteristics of people who
are well respected. Such people are less likely to fall victim to unscrupulous
personalities. That is not to say that they will not be approached by them, but
they tend to move on to a new target when that shield of respect becomes too
much of a hassle to penetrate.
So, even if you don't know what
you deserve because you have never had it, your gut tells you what you don't
deserve. Respect that. Listen to your
instincts and act in your own best interest. Leave the offensive situation as
soon as it is feasible to do so safely . Do not return for reasons that are enticing
but not realistic or practical. As long as you are willing to accept things
that are less than what you really deserve, that is what will be given to you. You
deserve the best.
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| Image- GPB |
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| Image - SheKnows |
You deserve the best!
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