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| Image: IMDb |
Oprah Winfrey has stated frequently that she wants to use her platform to enlighten and inspire. Recently, she embarked on a life-changing journey with Life Coach Iyanla Vanzant, Dr. Steve Perry and Geoffrey Canada. Ms. Vanzant has a show on the OWN network called Iyanla Fix My Life. Both Perry and Canada are visionaries and phenomenal mentors to countless children through their respective programs. With these three more-than-capable guides by her side, Oprah set out to help men reach a new and better destiny by healing the pain and problem causing effects of being fatherless sons growing up. The Life Class show Fatherless Sons was a powerful motive for men to clean out the emotional garbage, restructure their thinking and become better fathers to their sons and daughters.
That two-part show garnered such an overwhelming response that Winfrey was prompted to answer the call of her millions of female viewers who also feel the negative ramifications of spending their formative years without the benefit of a father's love, wisdom, guidance and oh-so-important acceptance. Daddyless Daughters Life Class was born. Many of us watched both episodes and tweeted the valuable information gleaned when selected viewers shared their childhood stories that were harmful and set them up for angst and suffering even into adulthood and Vanzant, Perry and Canada dissected, diagnosed and treated whatever it was that ailed them. There was healing to be had by all.
I came away convinced that all children need a Steve Perry or a Geoffrey Canada in the form of a father who is willingly present, engaged, protective, encouraging, accepting and loving. Since that clearly is not the case for millions of children, they all would be blessed to have a mentor like an Iyanla Vanzant who teaches them to examine the problem, extract and embrace the truth and chisel out a more realistic view of their life. Accepting yourself where you are and improving upon that at your own pace while knowing that your "work" is never fully completed is key. One must acknowledge and announce his or her own truth for meaningful change and real healing to begin. Of course, I am paraphrasing Iyanla here.
When I heard Iyanla say, "People do the best they can with what they have," it took me back to a conversation with my aunt because she said the exact same thing to me as I searched for the "why" of my own situation (which is not this particular subject, just to clarify). That little jewel allows one to be able to have compassion even when understanding is unobtainable. It gives you the freedom to meet that person in the "right now" of where they are instead of being chained to the past. More importantly, it encourages you to disconnect yourself from the guilt that has kept you fettered to your own lapses in judgment that have caused problems for you and your offspring.
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult gifts to give. When you are trying to reconcile your childhood problems, think about another thing my aunt told me... "But for the grace of God, there go I." I remember and repeat it often. For, were it not for God's grace, mercy, undying and unconditional love and His willingness to watch over us when we fail to watch out for ourselves, the person in need of forgiveness could be me or you. That standard can be applied to any situation.
If you did not have the perfect parents, you are not alone. If you are not perfect, you are not alone. The good news is that you will never be alone in that regard because no one is perfect and you can always improve your character and your lifestyle. Find a good mentor who will listen and impart the wisdom he or she has gathered over the years. Pay attention because people tend to show up in our lives when we need them. That's God watching over us. However, if you don't find a personal mentor, there is no shortage of self-help books to read and implement the changes suitable for repairing the holes in your life.
Remember, you are good enough. If someone doesn't think that you are good enough for him or her, that person does not deserve your attention. Do not allow such people to occupy your time or space. You show up for so many others, show up for yourself. Be present and truly participate in your life and that of your children.
Although I managed to tweet some good points from the class, there were so many more. Please check your local television listings to see when the shows will air again on the OWN network. In the meantime, I leave you with these quotes with the life coach who said it noted when possible. Most can be attributed to Iyanla Vanzant.
Tell the absolute truth. Give up the story that you've told yourself about yourself. Forgive yourself.
Deal with that truth... "Daddy gone." Now what? You take responsibility for the here and now.
Be the woman that you want your daughter to be. - Dr. Steve Perry
Re-Claim, Re-Define, Re-Create yourself as an adult, not as the little girl.
Clean up the mess and shift the energy in your life.
Everyone messes up but you can't make that your story. The question is, "What do I do next?"
Don't lower your standards to avoid being alone. If you lower your standards, then you are not alone. You are worse than being alone. You have picked up a liability. - Dr. Steve Perry
Accept the truth for what it is and set boundaries and standards.
Read the books but learn to be with yourself. Give yourself permission to be who you are moment by moment until it changes.
Social Lab Work: 2 Healing Exercises for Daddyless Daughters by Iyanla Vanzant.
Social Lab Work: 2 Healing Exercises for Daddyless Daughters by Iyanla Vanzant.
