The devil made me do it!

Something happened yesterday that very rarely does and it left me wondering why I did it.  The first answer that I settled on was simple.  The devil made me do it!  That little phrase brought back fond memories of the late comedian Flip Wilson who played a character named Geraldine.  Each time that Geraldine did something questionable, she said, "The devil made me do it!"

The simple answer, while funny, was not good enough for me so I gave it a bit more thought.  Wait, I forgot to tell you what I did.  I lied to get myself out of an extremely uncomfortable situation.   That is not how I operate.  It either is or it isn't; it's black or white with virtually no room for iffyness or shades of gray.  Since most people don't care to hear the truth without a little shellac, it makes me seem abrasive.

Here's the to do.  I passed a random man, just one of many, while at the Veteran's Hospital.  He smiled and greeted me.  As is customary, I responded in kind.  Later, I saw him again and he smiled and gave the head nod.  I nodded and got in line.  While I waited for my turn at the service window, another veteran and I chatted to pass the time.  After I signed my paperwork,  I headed to the stairwell leading to the basement rather than taking the elevator.  It's just a little bit of much needed exercise.

Halfway down the stairs, I am completely caught off guard by a man's voice. 

"Excuse me!" He added, "I don't mean no harm," motioning downward with his hands  as if to say "calm down" when I turned my head in his direction, obviously startled.  "I think you very attractive. I was wondering... you married?"

"Uh, no. But I'm seeing someone," I hurriedly added the last part in order to quit the conversation as soon as possible.

"Okay. Like I said, I don't mean no harm."

I realized I was still giving him my best "don't f*@k with me" look. "Okay," I responded as I quickly continued my descent to the basement.

The feeling I felt when that man startled me lingered.  I found myself telling my son about it when I returned home.  A friend and professional contact called and before I even realized it, I was telling her how the incident fouled up my day. That's when it finally dawned on me that I wasn't upset just because I lied to get rid of him.  It was much deeper than that.  After all, I did what I needed to do in that moment to extricate myself from an undesirable situation -- unexpectedly finding myself alone in a stairwell with a strange man whose intentions were unknown to me.

Here is what truly bothered me:

1.  I let my guard down.

2.  I did not pay attention to my surroundings.

3.  I assumed I was safe in my current environment (the hospital).

4. After the incident, I focused on the wrong thing (the lie).

Before heading for the stairwell, I noticed the man looking at me and smiling but I totally ignored him, thinking only of getting to my next destination, filling out the paperwork there, stopping by the dental clinic to find out why my appointment was cancelled without a new one being set up and getting back on the road to go home. Besides, he was just one of many men who smiled and spoke or even tried to strike up a conversation. That's not unusual at the VA hospital.  The male patients have always greatly outnumbered the female patients, so just because of sheer volume, I assume, a woman tends to get lots of attention, whether wanted or warranted. 

And who hits on women at the damn hospital? It's always happened to me but I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would think of the hospital as a potential place to pick up a date.  You have no idea why that person is there for treatment.  Trust and believe when I tell you that it's not just other patients but employees as well. Seriously, guys? That's probably not the best idea you've ever had.  It wouldn't be my choice of places to find a suitable man.

Anyhow, once I get even an inkling that a guy is eyeing me in a way I am not comfortable with, the smile is put away and the stone face comes up.  Thinking back on it, I did feel a bit annoyed that the man was looking at me while I was in line but I dismissed it because he just happened to be sitting in a chair where that row faces the window I was waiting to get to.  I thought that as long as I didn't look that way, there wouldn't be a problem.  I let my guard down.

I saw that man look at me as I left for the stairs but I didn't give it a second thought.  I went into the stairwell and never looked back until I heard his voice, looked around and realized that he had followed me. He was able to open the door to the stairwell without my hearing it. Footsteps... I heard nothing.  As I admitted earlier, I was deep in thought about the other things I had to do before going home. I did not pay attention to my surroundings.

No one would probably be overly concerned about something bad happening to him or her at the hospital, right?  Well, once I found myself alone in that stairwell with some random guy hot on my heels, it was not a comfortable place to be. In retrospect, that stairwell was eerily quiet, especially compared to the buzz of multiple conversations being carried on by the many veterans and family members in the waiting area near the main entrance. There are two heavy doors, one each separating the first floor and the basement, which means that stairwell is encapsulated.  The probability of someone hearing me scream is low (in my opinion). Yet, obviously, I assumed that I was safe in that environment.

After I was back on the road and had time to think, I kept wondering why I didn't just say what I usually say when a guy that I am not interested in shows interest in me.

"Thanks but I'm not interested in meeting anyone right now." 

It's that or some variation of it. I have no problem with having it simply roll off my tongue. On this particular day, in that particular moment, I did not feel that I should say it.  So, I lied because I didn't want him to come back with a request for my phone number or some similar question after I confirmed that I was not married. It bothered me that I didn't come out with it and tell that guy that it didn't matter whether I was married or single because he was not someone I would date. The fact of the matter is, he startled me and made me extremely uncomfortable and I did what I had to do to get out of the situation. The lie was the wrong focal point.

Reader, you're probably wondering why the situation as a whole bothered me so much.  I'll tell you in my next post. 

Thanks for stopping by -- even if the devil made you do it!

Sunida

Tyler Perry pleads, "Leave this baby alone!"

Movie mogul Tyler Perry is coming to the defense of Bobbi Kristina, daughter of the late singer and actress Whitney Houston and R&B singer and actor Bobby Brown . Perry has sought to help Krissi, as she is affectionately known to family and friends, deal with her grief by giving her a positive outlet as she continues to feel the loss of her beloved mother. To that end, Perry hired Bobbi K. to appear in his latest TV series, For Better or Worse.

As the old familiar and often true cliché states, "No good deed goes unpunished". An unfounded report has surfaced claiming that young Bobbi K. walked off the set. Perry flatly disputes this report which was undoubtedly engineered for publicity purposes (to sell an article for some celebrity newspaper or TV show). According to Perry's latest newsletter, the show had already completed taping when the allegation was made. In fact, he declares that Bobbi K. finished her obligations and "did a great job".

The newsletter ends with this plea from Tyler Perry:

So please... PLEASE LEAVE THIS BABY ALONE!!!! AND SHE IS A BABY!!! Please stop the lies and give this child some room to breathe and grieve.

IF IT WAS YOUR CHILD WOULND’T YOU WANT THAT?

-Tyler


While I am a fan of Perry's work, I sometimes take issue with his methods. Today is one of those times. It was noble of him to write Bobbi Kristina into his show and allow her to follow her dream of having a career in acting and simultaneously give her something to focus on and keep her occupied while she grieves one of the most devastating losses a person can experience. However, you can't send the lamb to slaughter and then cry foul.

As an experienced actor, writer, director, etc., Tyler Perry has first person knowledge of the cruelty public figures endure at the hands of the media. Although his intentions were good, the plan may have been shortsighted if negative media publicity, real or fabricated, was not considered as a possible result of his efforts. Perhaps, Mr. Perry, you assumed that the underbelly of the media would exercise restraint, employ common decency, and embody simple respect with regards to Bobbi Kristina. Unfortunately, you were mistaken. Evidently, the enigmatic pull and influence of the almighty dollar proved much more important than any courtesy that could have been afforded a grieving teenager regardless of her famous pedigree.

Your efforts to assist Bobbi K. are still worthy of admiration, Tyler, but perhaps you could have inquired as to whether she would be interested in learning how the acting business works behind the scenes until she is emotionally solvent enough to handle public criticism. While your attention is focused on the false media report right now, there will be detractors in the viewership as well. People will critique her acting ability and some of their responses to her debut will be less than flattering.

This would be a good time to come to her aid before negative impact can be achieved and share some of your strategies for blocking out the negative noise, using the positive comments as fuel for the soul, and growing thick skin all while remaining grounded and true to oneself. If this has already been done, it never hurts to reinforce the lesson.

From this viewer's vantage point, Bobbi Kristina is poised for a bright future with the help of family, friends and fans. So speak up and drown out the unnecessary noise of those daring to sidetrack this young lady's destiny.

Miss Brown, there will be times when it is difficult to know who has your best interest at heart. Those are the moments that require quiet reflection, introspection, and an audience with whatever spirituality you ascribe your serenity to. Stay strong!