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June 26, 2013

The devil made me do it! Part II

In the last post, I stopped shy of revealing why the encounter with the stranger was problematic. Let's get right to it. The lie that I told became unimportant when I realized that I had been concentrating on the wrong thing. It became much more important that I had let my guard down, did not pay attention to my surroundings and assumed that my environment was safe.  Any one of those things can make you vulnerable but altogether they can put you in jeopardy. 

As a survivor of Military Sexual Assault, I knew my assailant so I felt no need to be guarded, to keep a close eye on where he was situated at all times, nor did I think that I was in danger with him around. I also worried so much about what people would say if they found out. That should have been the least of my worries.   

While discussing it with my friend, it occurred to me that the lie probably fell out so easily because subconsciously, I realized that this guy had followed me to an area where I would likely be alone rather than approach me in the lobby where there were people (and potential witnesses) everywhere. In other words, his actions likely took me back to that vulnerable, scary place, even though I wasn't aware at the time. It's highly probable that instinct kicked in to keep me from making an already undesirable situation worse. It needed to be done to correct the mistakes I had already made that landed me in that predicament.

When I'm out by myself, I usually scan my sector to see who's around, what they're doing and if they appear to be a potential threat.  I pay attention to gut feelings and act accordingly, and I try never to be around men who eye me too much. You never know what they're thinking and it's just creepy.

It's a big deal  for several reasons.  The most obvious should be that women can never be too careful due to the fact that the average man can overpower a woman even if she fights back. Men and women alike can easily become victims if someone sneaks up from behind and gains the advantage. People with devious intentions hide behind smiles and a kind tone all the time. It only takes a moment for a situation to go south.

I'm happy that I was closer to the basement door than I was to that guy.  I think I would have gotten away if I had to run for it. He may be a perfectly nice man, but something about him following me to that stairwell did not sit well with me and made me cringe.  Weapons are not allowed in the hospital, of course, and there was nothing available to fend him off if that had become necessary.  My son has taught me some fantastic moves that the Army never taught me when I was serving, so I can only hope that I would not panic and employ them correctly. You can always speculate about what you'd do in a given hostile situation but you'll never know until you're in it and have to act under pressure.

Honestly, dude has caused me to rethink things. Because I was jolted from my comfort zone, I think that I must go back to the way I used to be.  I avoided smiling, especially at men since most of them are so egotistical that they assume you must want them if you smile back. I can speak without flashing the teeth. Now, if he's seriously cute, I might forget and smile while I'm saying "Heeeeey."

Seriously, ladies, whether or not you smile, please remember to keep your wits about you, be aware of your surroundings and be careful! Tune in to your instincts and don't dismiss the gut feelings and never assume that you are safe no matter where you are.  Be proactive and perhaps you won't have to be reactive.

Peace.

Sunida

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