Could your high school music program use $10,000? Enter the Get Pitch Perfect With Foreigner contest.

Foreigner has teamed up with the Grammy Foundation to help one lucky high school boost their music program with a $10,000.00 donation. All it takes is a 15-30 second Public Service Announcement about the importance of music in school. The deadline to enter the contest is November 15, 2013. Details can be obtained by visiting http://www.grammy.org/news/get-pitch-perfect-with-foreigner-and-the-grammy-foundation. If this is music to your ears and you plan to enter your school in the contest, best of luck! 

Here's a snippet of Foreigner performing on the Queen Latifah show backed by a high school choir.

CBS This Morning presents Note to Self: Tyler Perry

I've made it no secret that I subscribe to Tyler Perry's newsletter. The most recent letter from Tyler talks about his participation in the CBS This Morning segment called Note to Self. Perry says it changed his life and urges others to write a letter to their younger selves. His is a piece that is loving, introspective,and encouraging yet powerful. Before seeing his, I saw this exercise as experienced by reality TV star and entrepreneur, Evelyn Lozada. Her letter to her 7-year-old self was moving as well. It seems that writing a letter to one's younger self is a tool by which one can bring about healing of past injuries and hurts. It also appears to be painful but in a manner that soothes the old sore places and promotes healing. Only you can decide if it is a tool that you are willing to use to repair the dilapidated areas of your life. Why not? As long as you are still alive, you have the power to change your life. And, of course, you're so worth it!

Gladys Knight goes Old School on the Queen Latifah Show

The timeless Gladys Knight performed her new single, Old School, on the Queen Latifah Show. The Empress of Soul still throws down on stage. The album Another Journey is available on iTunes and Amazon and features "I Hope You Dance" which so many loved in the movie Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys. Listen to her kick it "Old School"!

Debt collector's secret to success? Advocating for those who are struggling.

At a time when families who have already been rocked by financial upset face even harder times because of the resent and unnecessary government shutdown, this feel-good story by CBS Evening News is worth sharing. Tip your hat to Bill Bartmann, a debt collector who practices consumer advocacy. He believes in helping people through his company, CFS II. Hmm... a debt collector who helps those he is charged with collecting from. How often does that happen?!

Cancer Support Services (CSS)... Charity or Scam?

As I thumbed through my mail the other day, I was surprised to find an envelope with "A Friendly reminder: Please honor your pledge" on it in bold letters. I looked at the return address and knew immediately that I had never had any contact with this organization as I had never even heard of it. "How dare they make it seem as though I made a pledge and did not pay," I thought to myself. 

I called Cancer Support Services at the number on the back side of the letter, 1-313-565-5901, and a man answered. I told him that I received the letter and wanted to know what it was all about.  He asked for my phone number so I gave him the number listed on the letter. He "pulled up the record" and verified my name.

"Well, it looks like someone contacted you on August 8th and took a pledge," he continued.

"I've never heard of your charity and no one could have contacted me at that number because that is not my phone number," I assured him.

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'll take you off of this, then."

"Yeah, you do that," I said in a stern  and obviously aggravated voice.

I fully expect to hear from this so-called charity again because there are complaints about them contacting people multiple times, especially if you fall for the ruse and actually send them money.  They collect millions of dollars from unsuspecting people who are trying to do a good deed and help cancer victims. Donors are unwittingly stuffing the pockets of these thieves, becoming victims themselves of a scam.  CSS consists of a father and son who are getting rich off of their pretense. The mother of the family has since struck out on her own and has a separate "charity" that she claims supports breast cancer victims.  

I can't tell you what to do with your money, but I would certainly caution you to think long and hard and then think again before giving any donation to Cancer Support Services (CSS), also known as Cancer Fund of America Support Services. The web addresses are different but lead to the same site (www.cfasupportservices.org/home.htm  and  www.cancersupportservices.net). A quick internet search yielded some interesting information that you can read for yourself. Please don't fall for this devious trickery.

Charity Navigator: Post by Raymond Davis detailing his experience with CSS

Boston BBB:Cancer Charity Soliciting Nationally Raises Millions, But Almost No Cash Goesto Direct Aid

AC Services / Breast Cancer Society: Before You Donate, Read This

Read comments by others solicited by CSS

Come on! Do the Sweetie Pie with Miss Robbie!

Miss Robbie Montgomery, star of the OWN hit Welcome to Sweetie Pie's celebrated
her 73rd birthday with a banging performance of a dance tune written
just for her by her son, Tim. It's catchy and Ms. Robbie belts it
out with enthusiasm. Come on! Do the Sweetie Pie and dance along
with Ms. Robbie. She could totally rock this song at a club.
Get it, girl! "Do the Pimp Walk!" That line cracks me up.

Do the Sweetie Pie Music Video


Live Party Performance


Now that's how it's done. Shake your Sweetie Pie, people!

XFactor Contestant Ashly Williams slays Whitney's signature song!

Written by Dolly Parton and recorded by multiple singers (including Parton), "I Will Always Love You" did not become a mega-hit until it was given the Whitney Houston treatment. She famously recorded the touching ballad for the soundtrack for her movie The Body Guard. Since then, many a contestant has sung that song in hopes of showcasing their talent. Last night on The XFactor, 24-year-old Ashly Williams did just that. She mesmerized the entire audience, even the hard-to-please Simon Cowell. All of the female judges were in tears, as was I. Ashly dedicated her performance to her mother, a murder victim. I have no doubt Ashley made her mother and Whitney proud. She will be the one the other contestants will need to beat out in this season's competition.Watch her performance in the video below. You will be moved.

Whitney Houston  I Will Always Love You

Meet me at the intersection of OWN and Twitter!

Here is my personal invitation to you. Yes, YOU, sir;  YOU madam. Please, join me on Tuesday at 9:00 p.m. for the best way to enjoy a vice without actually engaging in the activity yourself. Let the cast of The Haves and The Have Nots do it for you. OWN's night time soap opera created by Tyler Perry is the thing that causes me to shut out the rest of the world for an hour, save my Twitter peeps.  That's why I asked you to meet me at the intersection of OWN and Twitter because I watch the show and tweet about it with other fans. A good time is had by all.

If you've never seen the show, I could recap the highs and lows for you but it would not measure up to watching the real thing. So, you'll just have to watch for yourself and experience the sheer elation this drama evokes. I don't want to be bothered when it's on. Really.

If you have been watching, I have a question for you. Which character gave you life, honey? Who is your favorite Have? Who is the Have Not you like to see most?

Yes, of course, I'm answering the questions.

Favorite Have: Katheryn Cryer.  Renee Lawless (@MsReneeLawless) is Katheryn Cryer. No flattering adjective phrases like "masterfully played" or "spectacular performance" are necessary. She embodies the character. That's the best compliment any actor can be given. Make me believe. I will repeat an earlier assertion that she reminds me of accomplished actress Kathy Bates in her portrayal of the matriarch in the Tyler Perry movie, The Family That Preys, just younger. I could not imagine anyone else playing Katheryn.

Honorable Mention: Have Veronica Harrington. Actress Angela Robinson gets on my last nerve as Veronica. So, she is certainly doing her job right. I can't stand a snob, so it's very easy to dislike Veronica. She takes snootiness to places it's never been before. She did show some sense of compassion in the last episode. I felt she used that nasty attitude she's always armed with for good that time. She redeemed herself last Tuesday night. Veronica actually made me proud, bougie heifer that she is. DO IT, Angela Robinson! Yes!

Favorite Have Not: Hanna Young. Crystal Fox (@Only1CrystalFox) gets my vote. Hanna is like me in many ways--- single parent, battling health issues, leans on God to get her through and wants the best for her children. Hanna is strong but not hard. No pretenses; she's just who she is. Her hair is natural and she wears a wig when she goes out. I'm going natural (again) and will probably need a wig when I venture out of the house. That's about where our similarities end.  I don't have her patience and I still cuss. Hey, I'm a work in progress just like you.

Honorable Mention:  Have Not Candace Young as interpreted by the incomparable Tika Sumpter (@iamtikasumpter). No one can refute the fact that Candace is the drama of the show. She is brash, bold and everything a true bad girl ought to be with a cherry on top! She is the bad girl that all good girls keep buried deep, deep inside for fear she will run amok and there will be no taming her once that level of freedom is experienced. Yes, Sumpter is that good. Better. Bet-ter!!!

And ladies, if you must have a little eye candy to keep you interested, Benny Young (Tyler Lepley) and Wyatt Cryer (Aaron O'Connell) have that covered. They are beautiful men. With big muscles and handsome faces you can't take your eyes off. I mean, if you like that kind of thing, girls. Um hm!

Come on! Tuesday. 9:00 p.m. EST. Virtual corner of OWN and Twitter. You'll be glad you came.  

Lee Daniels' "The Butler"

Image: hitfix.com

Saturday evening, I went to see "The Butler". Lee Daniels captures the viewers' attention immediately and never lets it go. The number of viewers at the last matinee was surprising to say the least. There were too many empty seats to take the trouble to count. If you are reading this and wondering if you should bother to spend your money on a ticket, let your doubts be allayed.

Even if you think, as I did, that you knew enough about the Civil Rights movement and you did not need to see another movie about it, have another thought coming on the heels of that one. While the movie is definitely a history lesson for anyone who did not have an actual role in the movement, The Butler is so much more than that.

The movie delves into family drama from various aspects... father, son discord; a husband who is a good man and provider but is lacking as a marriage partner; a second child who flounders in a family position that is never clearly defined for him. Betrayal, loyalty, loud courage, quiet compliance and a myriad of other issues carry the viewer on a ride that has more ups, downs, twists and turns than a long, winding river. 

All of the actors give sterling performances. Any true fan of Forest Whitaker knows that no matter what the role, he embodies the character completely. Oprah Winfrey made me believe that she was "Gloria". It is evident that this is a role that spoke to her from the pages of the script. The iconic Jane Fonda is perfect as former First Lady Nancy Reagan. 

Image: craveonline.com

Be prepared to have your heart run the full scope of emotions. I was angry, happy, hurt, deflated, uplifted, disappointed, and hopeful during the showing. You will be, too. Seeing what people endured in that era from the perspective of someone who was not considered to be on the front lines of the movement was thought provoking. It helped me to look at things in my own life from a different perspective.

upi.com

Take that much needed break you've been promising yourself that you would and allow yourself to be entertained, enlightened and changed. You will not walk out of the theater with the same sense of right and wrong and that tense area in between. Race relations will not magically become better but the current young generation will have a better understanding of why some things are the way that they are. Perhaps they will be inspired to live in such a way that harmony between the races will be embraced and promoted and hatred will be fervently denounced.

Most of all, it is my belief that you will leave the show with a thirst to better your relationships with your family and friends. So, you see, the price of the ticket to have a seat and watch The Butler is minuscule compared to the incalculable values you will walk away with. Go see the film. Take a friend, or even better, a family member with whom you need to mend a bond. The only way that your heart will not be touched is if you don't have one.

Be blessed!

Sunida 

P.S.  I think that Lee Daniels is positively brilliant! This story is told in a manner that is familiar yet fresh and intriguing.  And the man took glamorous diva Mariah Carey and turned her into a field negro. What?!!  I'm done!  Although I can't imagine that you have not seen the trailer, it is posted below just in case.

  

The Perfect Substitute

Sometimes it is necessary to find someone to stand in for us when we cannot be present. Parents hire babysitters to watch their children when they have to be away from home. Substitute teachers fill in for full-time teachers when they need to be absent from class for some reason. We all have situations at one time or another when we could use a substitute to act in our stead.

I encountered a situation that was complicated and it had me torn. Being there was possible but would have been accomplished with great difficulty. Wanting to be there was never going to happen. Prior experience had taught me that this was at least part of my walls of Jericho. No matter how I approached it, I have not gotten past the wall. If I showed up when needed, I was wrong. If I decided that it was best to stay away, I was wrong. If I said something, I should have kept my mouth shut. If I didn't say anything, I should have spoken up. The wall is always up and there is no way around it.

My decision on how to handle the situation was to step back, say nothing, and do nothing. There were others who could continue the march around the walls of Jericho. Perhaps they could accomplish what I could not. Someone else could stand in and substitute. 

The substitute may be under qualified. He or she could be over qualified. The substitute may be just proficient enough. If one could have the ideal choice, the candidate who exceeded the qualifications would be given the job. That is precisely what I decided to do. I handed my problem situation over to someone who would know exactly what to do at all times. No one can do that, right? Wrong!

God is the perfect substitute. I woke up with that thought on my mind and I knew that it was the answer that I had been seeking. No more marching around that particular walls of Jericho with nothing to show for it but swollen, painful feet and worn out shoes and patience. No more second guessing what I should do or say. With God, it is done. It is not complicated for Him.

What's your walls of Jericho? What is the problem that you can't fix? Stop going round and round never finding a way past that wall. Offer the job to God and let Him stand in your stead. God is the perfect substitute and His salary requirement is completely doable... a prayer. That's right. He is only a prayer away.

Wishing you Peace, Love, and Happiness,

Sunida

You Deserve the Best!

Image: Glogster

The previous post, Life Class with Oprah: Daddyless Daughters,  summarized my take on the show and the accompanying Twitter discussion. If you've ever participated in a "chat" via Twitter, you know that the tweets are numerous and come extremely fast. It is impossible to read them all, watch the television show you are tweeting about and get in a few tweets of your own. I keep up as best I can but I do miss quite a few. Once, I missed one from The Big O as I participated in a live taping via Twitter. Yes, I kicked myself the day I realized it. I'll tell you about that incident later.

The tweet that I wish to focus on today is directly related to the Daddyless Daughters issue.  At some point, the panelists were discussing the fact that women raised without their fathers tend to settle for someone who is not worthy of them because they are trying so hard to fill a void left by the absence of a father. One of the people I follow on twitter, MadameNoire, posted the following.

MadameNoire ‏@MadameNoire

Good Question: How do I know what I deserve if I've never had it? #DaddylessDaughters #Lifeclass

My immediate reaction was simple.   

Sunida York ‏@SuniDae

@leolag @MadameNoire @dPoeticFloacist Trust those gut feelings.If something makes you feel bad about yourself or uncomfortable, it's not 4 U

Image - Laurae Richards

So many children grow up without knowing what they deserve because they were never taught to value themselves. Perhaps they were not physically abused but the verbal insults were a normal part of their daily lives. Maybe the parent was physically present but emotionally absent, failing to show affection to the child, which is vital in forming positive self-esteem. Whatever the case, if you have never had the type of treatment you deserve, how will you know what to reject and what to savor?

The Creator, in His infinite wisdom, gave us this little thing called the "gut feeling". Thankfully, we all have it and it is not something that needs to be taught nor can it be stifled. Many of us ignore it, but it is still there. That gut feeling makes you aware that something is not quite right. You may not know exactly what the problem is at the moment that you are experiencing it but the important thing is that something is causing uneasiness.  As I tweeted, if something makes you feel bad about yourself or makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's not for you. Leave whatever that happens to be alone.  

Sometimes we are not sure about what we're feeling, so we seek advice from someone we trust. While the advice can be helpful, it can also be wrong. That gut feeling is never wrong. Think of it as an internal alarm. So, then, you are essentially asking someone else to evaluate your internal alarm system. They can try to interpret it for you but only you know how intense your gut feeling is and how often you feel it.

Be true to you. Learn to appreciate and heed those gut feelings. Remove yourself from whomever or whatever triggers the bad gut feeling and do not return to it. It sounds simple but there will be many times when it's quite difficult. Personal relationships and job situations are the most excruciating to deal with and rectify. If that gut feeling that you dread keeps cropping up, it is alerting you to danger of some sort. Even if the danger is only that your sanity is at stake each day that you have to deal with the verbally abusive boss, the co-worker who won't stop hitting on you, the boyfriend who wants to know where you are every moment, etc. Nothing about either one of those or so many other situations is funny, cute or acceptable.

If you don't like snakes and someone gave you one for your birthday, would you just smile and offer thanks for that unwanted gift? Probably not. You would probably scream, run and tell the giver to get that "gift" away from you. Apply a similar (but perhaps less dramatic) response to the person bringing you negativity, undue and non-constructive criticism, misplaced fault, fear, violence  or other unwanted drama... decline the gift as something you cannot appreciate or embrace. Therefore, the giver is left with the options of giving you a different (and hopefully better) gift or not giving you anything at all. Sometimes, the latter is actually best. No one needs the kind of aggravation mentioned here.

Respect. It comes down to that simple word. However, it is not something that should be demanded. Instead, respect is given voluntarily when the giver realizes that it has been earned by the intended receiver. Respect it not to be confused with fear. Fearing someone is vastly different than respecting him or her. If you respect yourself,  you treat yourself well and project an image that affirms that you are strong and confident, intelligent, fair and a proponent of doing what's right. Those are but a few of the characteristics of people who are well respected. Such people are less likely to fall victim to unscrupulous personalities. That is not to say that they will not be approached by them, but they tend to move on to a new target when that shield of respect becomes too much of a hassle to penetrate.

So, even if you don't know what you deserve because you have never had it, your gut tells you what you don't deserve.  Respect that. Listen to your instincts and act in your own best interest. Leave the offensive situation as soon as it is feasible to do so safely . Do not return for reasons that are enticing but not realistic or practical. As long as you are willing to accept things that are less than what you really deserve, that is what will be given to you. You deserve the best.

Image- GPB

Image - SheKnows

You deserve the best!

Related Links:

Daughters Need Fathers, Too

How Dads Shape Daughters' Relationships

Father-Daughter Relationships: Dads Do Make a Difference

The Importance of the Father-Daughter Relationship

How to Patch Broken Father-Daughter Relationship

Fathers and Daughters - Journeys of the Heart

A Father-Daughter Dance... in Prison

Fathers and Daughters: Why Dads Need to be Heroes

Life Class with Oprah:Daddyless Daughters

Image: IMDb

Oprah Winfrey has stated frequently that she wants to use her platform to enlighten and inspire. Recently, she embarked on a life-changing journey with Life Coach Iyanla Vanzant, Dr. Steve Perry and Geoffrey Canada. Ms. Vanzant has a show on the OWN network called Iyanla Fix My Life. Both Perry and Canada are visionaries and phenomenal mentors to countless children through their respective programs. With these three more-than-capable guides by her side, Oprah set out to help men reach a new and better destiny by healing the pain and problem causing effects of being fatherless sons growing up. The Life Class show Fatherless Sons was a powerful motive for men to clean out the emotional garbage, restructure their thinking and become better fathers to their sons and daughters.

That two-part show garnered such an overwhelming response that Winfrey was prompted to answer the call of her millions of female viewers who also feel the negative ramifications of spending their formative years without the benefit of a father's love, wisdom, guidance and oh-so-important acceptance. Daddyless Daughters Life Class was born. Many of us watched both episodes and tweeted the valuable information gleaned when selected viewers shared their childhood stories that were harmful and set them up for angst and suffering even into adulthood and Vanzant, Perry and Canada dissected, diagnosed and treated whatever it was that ailed them. There was healing to be had by all.

I came away convinced that all children need a Steve Perry or a Geoffrey Canada in the form of a father who is willingly present, engaged, protective, encouraging, accepting and loving. Since that clearly is not the case for millions of children, they all would be blessed to have a mentor like an Iyanla Vanzant who teaches them to examine the problem, extract and embrace the truth and chisel out a more realistic view of their life. Accepting yourself where you are and improving upon that at your own pace while knowing that your "work" is never fully completed is key. One must acknowledge and announce his or her own truth for meaningful change and real healing to begin. Of course, I am paraphrasing Iyanla here.

When I heard Iyanla say, "People do the best they can with what they have," it took me back to a conversation with my aunt because she said the exact same thing to me as I searched for the "why" of my own situation (which is not this particular subject, just to clarify). That little jewel allows one to be able to have compassion even when understanding is unobtainable. It gives you the freedom to meet that person in the "right now" of where they are instead of being chained to the past. More importantly, it encourages you to disconnect yourself from the guilt that has kept you fettered to your own lapses in judgment that have caused problems for you and your offspring.

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult gifts to give. When you are trying to reconcile your childhood problems, think about another thing my aunt told me... "But for the grace of God, there go I." I remember and repeat it often. For, were it not for God's grace, mercy, undying and unconditional love and His willingness to watch over us when we fail to watch out for ourselves, the person in need of forgiveness could be me or you. That standard can be applied to any situation.

If you did not have the perfect parents, you are not alone. If you are not perfect, you are not alone. The good news is that you will never be alone in that regard because no one is perfect and you can always improve your character and your lifestyle. Find a good mentor who will listen and impart the wisdom he or she has gathered over the years. Pay attention because people tend to show up in our lives when we need them. That's God watching over us. However, if you don't find a personal mentor, there is no shortage of self-help books to read and implement the changes suitable for repairing the holes in your life.

Remember, you are good enough. If someone doesn't think that you are good enough for him or her, that person does not deserve your attention. Do not allow such people to occupy your time or space. You show up for so many others, show up for yourself. Be present and truly participate in your life and that of your children.

Although I managed to tweet some good points from the class, there were so many more. Please check your local television listings to see when the shows will air again on the OWN network. In the meantime, I leave you with these quotes with the life coach who said it noted when possible. Most can be attributed to Iyanla Vanzant.

Tell the absolute truth. Give up the story that you've told yourself about yourself. Forgive yourself.

Deal with that truth... "Daddy gone." Now what? You take responsibility for the here and now.

Be the woman that you want your daughter to be. - Dr. Steve Perry

Re-Claim, Re-Define, Re-Create yourself as an adult, not as the little girl.

Clean up the mess and shift the energy in your life.

Everyone messes up but you can't make that your story. The question is, "What do I do next?"

Don't lower your standards to avoid being alone. If you lower your standards, then you are not alone. You are worse than being alone. You have picked up a liability. - Dr. Steve Perry

Accept the truth for what it is and set boundaries and standards.

Read the books but learn to be with yourself. Give yourself permission to be who you are moment by moment until it changes.

Social Lab Work: 2 Healing Exercises for Daddyless Daughters by Iyanla Vanzant.  

AT&T 's demeaning commercials go unopposed.

Paula Deen has been the subject of public scrutiny. She has lost several sources of income. Deen is now infamous for being a racist in addition to being famous for her cooking.  Yet, one of the largest phone service providers airs multiple "It's not complicated" commercials showing young black children saying downright dumb things or simply looking dimwitted while the white children deliver the intelligent lines and this egregious practice goes unopposed. 

At first, I decided that it was one commercial and not worth making a fuss over.  "I wonder who that mother is who would want her child to appear in a commercial so badly that she would allow AT&T to demean her kid by having him (or her) look stupid on national television," I commented to my son. That was pretty much the end of it for me. 

It was just the beginning. The AT&T commercials apparently have commercial appeal (pun intended) because the communications giant keeps rolling them out. I believe there are at least four of them.  In each instance, the African-American child is saddled with the less than sharp commentary while the white children are made to look clever.  The host of the question/answer session with the children is a white male.

With racial tensions running high because of the controversial Zimmerman verdict, the last thing that I wish to do is stir the pot.  However, it is evident that AT&T is going to continue to exploit these children and no one is paying attention. Again, the parents are allowing their children to appear in the commercials, but that does not mean that the general public cannot speak up on their behalf. Let's let AT&T know that we are watching and it's not because we find their commercials amusing. They offend me each time they air, hence my post. 

AT&T, Change your shameful practices! It's not complicated.

Note: While searching for the commercials to add to my post, I found this video of another person who feels the same as I do, that there is a clear pattern of the black children being made to look ridiculous in these commercials.


  

The devil made me do it! Part II

In the last post, I stopped shy of revealing why the encounter with the stranger was problematic. Let's get right to it. The lie that I told became unimportant when I realized that I had been concentrating on the wrong thing. It became much more important that I had let my guard down, did not pay attention to my surroundings and assumed that my environment was safe.  Any one of those things can make you vulnerable but altogether they can put you in jeopardy. 

As a survivor of Military Sexual Assault, I knew my assailant so I felt no need to be guarded, to keep a close eye on where he was situated at all times, nor did I think that I was in danger with him around. I also worried so much about what people would say if they found out. That should have been the least of my worries.   

While discussing it with my friend, it occurred to me that the lie probably fell out so easily because subconsciously, I realized that this guy had followed me to an area where I would likely be alone rather than approach me in the lobby where there were people (and potential witnesses) everywhere. In other words, his actions likely took me back to that vulnerable, scary place, even though I wasn't aware at the time. It's highly probable that instinct kicked in to keep me from making an already undesirable situation worse. It needed to be done to correct the mistakes I had already made that landed me in that predicament.

When I'm out by myself, I usually scan my sector to see who's around, what they're doing and if they appear to be a potential threat.  I pay attention to gut feelings and act accordingly, and I try never to be around men who eye me too much. You never know what they're thinking and it's just creepy.

It's a big deal  for several reasons.  The most obvious should be that women can never be too careful due to the fact that the average man can overpower a woman even if she fights back. Men and women alike can easily become victims if someone sneaks up from behind and gains the advantage. People with devious intentions hide behind smiles and a kind tone all the time. It only takes a moment for a situation to go south.

I'm happy that I was closer to the basement door than I was to that guy.  I think I would have gotten away if I had to run for it. He may be a perfectly nice man, but something about him following me to that stairwell did not sit well with me and made me cringe.  Weapons are not allowed in the hospital, of course, and there was nothing available to fend him off if that had become necessary.  My son has taught me some fantastic moves that the Army never taught me when I was serving, so I can only hope that I would not panic and employ them correctly. You can always speculate about what you'd do in a given hostile situation but you'll never know until you're in it and have to act under pressure.

Honestly, dude has caused me to rethink things. Because I was jolted from my comfort zone, I think that I must go back to the way I used to be.  I avoided smiling, especially at men since most of them are so egotistical that they assume you must want them if you smile back. I can speak without flashing the teeth. Now, if he's seriously cute, I might forget and smile while I'm saying "Heeeeey."

Seriously, ladies, whether or not you smile, please remember to keep your wits about you, be aware of your surroundings and be careful! Tune in to your instincts and don't dismiss the gut feelings and never assume that you are safe no matter where you are.  Be proactive and perhaps you won't have to be reactive.

Peace.

Sunida

The devil made me do it!

Something happened yesterday that very rarely does and it left me wondering why I did it.  The first answer that I settled on was simple.  The devil made me do it!  That little phrase brought back fond memories of the late comedian Flip Wilson who played a character named Geraldine.  Each time that Geraldine did something questionable, she said, "The devil made me do it!"

The simple answer, while funny, was not good enough for me so I gave it a bit more thought.  Wait, I forgot to tell you what I did.  I lied to get myself out of an extremely uncomfortable situation.   That is not how I operate.  It either is or it isn't; it's black or white with virtually no room for iffyness or shades of gray.  Since most people don't care to hear the truth without a little shellac, it makes me seem abrasive.

Here's the to do.  I passed a random man, just one of many, while at the Veteran's Hospital.  He smiled and greeted me.  As is customary, I responded in kind.  Later, I saw him again and he smiled and gave the head nod.  I nodded and got in line.  While I waited for my turn at the service window, another veteran and I chatted to pass the time.  After I signed my paperwork,  I headed to the stairwell leading to the basement rather than taking the elevator.  It's just a little bit of much needed exercise.

Halfway down the stairs, I am completely caught off guard by a man's voice. 

"Excuse me!" He added, "I don't mean no harm," motioning downward with his hands  as if to say "calm down" when I turned my head in his direction, obviously startled.  "I think you very attractive. I was wondering... you married?"

"Uh, no. But I'm seeing someone," I hurriedly added the last part in order to quit the conversation as soon as possible.

"Okay. Like I said, I don't mean no harm."

I realized I was still giving him my best "don't f*@k with me" look. "Okay," I responded as I quickly continued my descent to the basement.

The feeling I felt when that man startled me lingered.  I found myself telling my son about it when I returned home.  A friend and professional contact called and before I even realized it, I was telling her how the incident fouled up my day. That's when it finally dawned on me that I wasn't upset just because I lied to get rid of him.  It was much deeper than that.  After all, I did what I needed to do in that moment to extricate myself from an undesirable situation -- unexpectedly finding myself alone in a stairwell with a strange man whose intentions were unknown to me.

Here is what truly bothered me:

1.  I let my guard down.

2.  I did not pay attention to my surroundings.

3.  I assumed I was safe in my current environment (the hospital).

4. After the incident, I focused on the wrong thing (the lie).

Before heading for the stairwell, I noticed the man looking at me and smiling but I totally ignored him, thinking only of getting to my next destination, filling out the paperwork there, stopping by the dental clinic to find out why my appointment was cancelled without a new one being set up and getting back on the road to go home. Besides, he was just one of many men who smiled and spoke or even tried to strike up a conversation. That's not unusual at the VA hospital.  The male patients have always greatly outnumbered the female patients, so just because of sheer volume, I assume, a woman tends to get lots of attention, whether wanted or warranted. 

And who hits on women at the damn hospital? It's always happened to me but I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would think of the hospital as a potential place to pick up a date.  You have no idea why that person is there for treatment.  Trust and believe when I tell you that it's not just other patients but employees as well. Seriously, guys? That's probably not the best idea you've ever had.  It wouldn't be my choice of places to find a suitable man.

Anyhow, once I get even an inkling that a guy is eyeing me in a way I am not comfortable with, the smile is put away and the stone face comes up.  Thinking back on it, I did feel a bit annoyed that the man was looking at me while I was in line but I dismissed it because he just happened to be sitting in a chair where that row faces the window I was waiting to get to.  I thought that as long as I didn't look that way, there wouldn't be a problem.  I let my guard down.

I saw that man look at me as I left for the stairs but I didn't give it a second thought.  I went into the stairwell and never looked back until I heard his voice, looked around and realized that he had followed me. He was able to open the door to the stairwell without my hearing it. Footsteps... I heard nothing.  As I admitted earlier, I was deep in thought about the other things I had to do before going home. I did not pay attention to my surroundings.

No one would probably be overly concerned about something bad happening to him or her at the hospital, right?  Well, once I found myself alone in that stairwell with some random guy hot on my heels, it was not a comfortable place to be. In retrospect, that stairwell was eerily quiet, especially compared to the buzz of multiple conversations being carried on by the many veterans and family members in the waiting area near the main entrance. There are two heavy doors, one each separating the first floor and the basement, which means that stairwell is encapsulated.  The probability of someone hearing me scream is low (in my opinion). Yet, obviously, I assumed that I was safe in that environment.

After I was back on the road and had time to think, I kept wondering why I didn't just say what I usually say when a guy that I am not interested in shows interest in me.

"Thanks but I'm not interested in meeting anyone right now." 

It's that or some variation of it. I have no problem with having it simply roll off my tongue. On this particular day, in that particular moment, I did not feel that I should say it.  So, I lied because I didn't want him to come back with a request for my phone number or some similar question after I confirmed that I was not married. It bothered me that I didn't come out with it and tell that guy that it didn't matter whether I was married or single because he was not someone I would date. The fact of the matter is, he startled me and made me extremely uncomfortable and I did what I had to do to get out of the situation. The lie was the wrong focal point.

Reader, you're probably wondering why the situation as a whole bothered me so much.  I'll tell you in my next post. 

Thanks for stopping by -- even if the devil made you do it!

Sunida

Have you ever?

* Decided to be happy rather than wait for happiness to somehow find you?

* Walked through that opening, no matter how small, to claim your destiny?

* Gone out of your way to help someone again, even though you knew it would not be  
   appreciated?

* Woken up with a smile on your face?

* Asked God for help with a "right now" problem and He sent it right away?

* Spoken a word of encouragement to someone going through a rough time?

* Been  greeted by a brilliant rainbow at the very moment your hope was dwindling?

* Prayed a good prayer for someone you don't like and expected and believed that God
   would grant that miracle?

* Been judged by someone who did the same or worse? Were you the one who judged?

* Decided to keep your integrity rather than "go along to get along"?

* Followed through on your marvelous idea only to be disappointed?

* Been the kind stranger the hungry, broke person waiting outside of a restaurant had
   hoped would come along?

* Felt awkward because you didn't get the joke or comprehend the coded talk?

* Paid a few bucks for a random customer who came up short at checkout?

* Tried to be at least a speck of light to pierce someone's darkness?





Copyright © 2013 Sunida E. York

Cutting in line.

I am a huge fan of ABC's The Talk.  Today, they discussed the 84-year-old Florida woman who won the largest jackpot in Powerball history after she cut in front of another woman in line.    The lady whose place in line was jacked was polite enough to allow the elderly patron to buy her ticket.  The ladies of The Talk gave their take on cutting in line, all hilarious, of course. "Hey, b!t@h!" is what the woman who tried to cut in front of Sheryl Underwood was met with. Turns out Sheryl was in the communion line. I might have let that one slide. Surprisingly, Sharon Osbourne (who can do no wrong in my estimation) claimed to be quite the little line cutter. Anyhow, it all reminded me of one of the many times someone cut in line after I had been patiently waiting on aching feet.  That particular day, it was not pretty.

I walked into the post office and observed a line of people waiting to be served and two women filing out forms at an island counter, clearly not in line.  The thought that these chicks would assume that they had the right to cut in front of me immediately came to mind. Yes, I'm psychic, though only slightly, if you were wondering.  I decided on the spot that the first one to cut in front of me would be allowed to do so with no objections from me.  That would be my good deed for the day.  So, one woman (who appeared to be in her late teens or early twenties and clearly felt entitled), stepped in front of me without so much as an "excuse me" and never even looked back.  Oh, indeed, she was extremely rude, but I had already anticipated that as well and so was free to ignore her.

The second woman, who was at least my age but perhaps a few years older, attempted to step in front of me.  I moved forward, effectively blocking her attempt.  She acted as though she were about to try again at which time, I positioned myself so that she had no room to advance.

"You need to get some courtesy!" She yelled.  "I was in line."

"You weren't in line when I came in.  You were at the island counter filing out forms," I responded.

She repeated that I needed to get some courtesy and we went back and forth for a minute until I finally told her that she needed to get her crap (except I used that other term instead) together before she got there.  I was about to get even uglier when, as I turned to look at her, I saw the long line of people who had apparently gotten in line behind me that I hadn't realized were there.  Trust, me, many times in the past (and I do mean many) I did not give a rats behind about having an impromptu audience, but this day was different.  I would have to say that it was the two elderly women within earshot that made me rethink the profanity laced tirade I was about to hurl at this broad.  She had shut up by this time so I was willing to settle for the fact that I was next up to the service counter and she was two places behind me.  The man behind me did not let her in, either.  The man behind him must have felt sorry for her and allowed her to step in front of him.

If you are one of those people who think that you have the right to cut in line, don't assume that everyone is going to respond to your rudeness with polite quietness.  Some days I do but even I don't always know which days I won't.  You will get no apology from me for what happens thereafter.  I'm nice but I'm not a pushover.

Peace.

When was the last time? Revisited

When was the last time you...

> Spoke the truth in spite of possible consequences?

> Extended a helping hand to someone in need?

> Actively pursued your big dream?

> Complimented someone?

> Let a user know that your kindness does not equal weakness?

> Stepped into the spotlight?

> Donated to a charity?

> Enjoyed a long walk?

> Tried something new?

> Took a day off from your job realizing that it will be there even when you're not?

> Asked out that person you've been admiring from a distance?

> Considered the other person's position or situation?

> Allowed yourself to relax and maybe even enjoy?

> Apologized because you were wrong?

> Gave a firm "No!" to an inappropriate offer?

> Took stock of all the good things in your life?

> Embraced the fact that life goes on whether you like it or not, with or without you?

> Listened and actually heard?

> Got what you deserved?

> Served up a little mercy?

Copyright © 2013 Sunida E. York

When was the last time?

Is there something that you enjoy doing that you haven't done in a long time? Remember, tomorrow is not promised to any of us.  Do the things that make you happy and be 

considerate of others so that the good karma catches up to you.

Peace, love, and blessings!

Sunida

When was the last time you?

-- Sang along with your favorite song even if you can't carry a tune?

-- Turned off the television and picked up a good book?

-- Ran a hot bath, climbed in and enjoyed a long soak?

-- Hugged your child?

-- Expressed appreciation for a job well done?

-- Stood up for someone who was incapable of doing it for herself or himself?

-- Took your spouse on a date?

-- Visited an elderly person?

-- Swallowed your pride and asked for or accepted a helping hand?

-- Watched the sun set or rise?

-- Gave someone a gift "just because"?

-- Smiled at someone?

-- Took a moment just for you?

-- Prayed for someone  other than yourself?

-- Slept in?

-- Released the guilt and forgave yourself or someone else?

-- Realized the fact that you are beautiful, worthy, talented, desirable, and valuable?

-- Laughed so hard, you were out of breath and your stomach hurt?

-- Inspired someone?

-- Danced even if you have no rhythm?

-- Conquered a fear?

-- Paid a good deed or blessing forward?

-- Savored a sweet moment?

Copyright © 2013 Sunida E. York

I finally learned...

Sometimes things happen to cause us to reflect on various aspects of our lives and we realize that the good times, the bad times and even the so-so times contained lessons that might have been bold and slapped us upside the head or were subtle and almost missed.  I'm sure I've probably missed some lessons and forgotten others.  The list below contains the ones that came to mind yesterday.  It's rather long but I think it's worth the read.

What valuable lessons have you learned?  Feel free to share yours.  You just might bless someone with your words of wisdom.

Peace and blessings,
Sunida

I finally learned that...

~ Sincerity doesn't always accompany a smile, applause, a pat on the back or a handshake.

~ Karma is only a bitch if you are.

~ Net worth is not nearly as valuable as good character and positive self-worth.

~ If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I should be beholding me.

~ I don't need to tell you how you did me wrong.  You did it, so you know.

~ You can't help someone who is unwilling to cooperate or compromise to get what he or
   she needs.

~ If I tell you the truth and you don't believe me, that's not my problem.

~ My worth is not dependent upon your opinion of me.

~ Laughter soothes the soul temporarily.  Love heals it permanently.

~ I can only be accountable for my actions or lack thereof.

~ I don't have to like you to treat you with dignity and respect.

~ It's better to use words that build up, strengthen, and uplift instead of those that tear  
   down, rip apart, and destroy.

~ Your harsh judgment of me is always trumped by God's grace and mercy for me.

~  I don't know everything but what I do know can't be compromised, dismissed, or taken away.

~  Just because someone said it doesn't mean it's true.

~  I should be okay with what I see in the mirror but I can still improve.

~  Revenge should be left to God.  He's much better at it.

~  What you construe as crazy could actually be your inability to comprehend.

~  My desire and attempt to help you will always fail if you don't try to help yourself.

~  It doesn't matter if you like me nearly as much as whether I like me.

~  I should just accept the compliment and say thank you.

~  People's expectations of me rarely jive with my potential or actual ability.  The latter
    is more important.

~ The energy I wasted hating you would have been better spent and more powerful if
    I used it to love me or someone worthy.

~ Negativity drains.  Positivity boosts.

~  Still, quiet moments are invaluable because they allow you to recharge.  Enjoy your
    own company sometimes.

~ Following the crowd often leads you down the wrong path.
~ Friends who do unkind things behind your back are enemies in disguise.

~  You can speak your mind without being nasty, rude, or obnoxious.

~  Your actions and what you refuse or fail to do are more telling than anything you say.

~  Your dislike of me is a bigger problem for you than it is for me.

~  Those in pain tend to hurt others.  Perhaps misery really does love company.

~  I can be done with you without being mad at you.

~  An explanation, no matter how detailed, bears no guarantee that the listener will truly
   hear, understand, or empathize.

~ While I can control my actions, I can only observer and counter yours.

~  Just because you don't know what I'm talking about doesn't mean that I don't know what
   I'm talking about or that I'm not speaking the truth.

~ Even small accomplishments should be celebrated.  They are the stepping stones to the
   big ones.

~  Apologizing when warranted is not a sign of weakness.  It's a sign of strength and
   maturity.

~  Learning to compromise is an invaluable lesson.

~  Giving birth does not make one a mother.  How well you treat the child does.

~  Wealth is not a measure of what you have but how you use what you have.

~  Pretense falls apart eventually.

~  Having the means to help someone in need but not the heart, courage, or inclination to  
   do so is useless and egregious.

~ Truth is a matter of perspective and is often disputed.  Ask for the factual evidence
   instead.

~  Participating in the conception of a child does not make one a father nor does it make one a man.

~  We all have something to give.  Time, compassion, knowledge, and talents are just as
    important and helpful as money.

~ Friends are the people who stick around when it's inconvenient or uncomfortable.

~  Being selfish or self-absorbed is easy but so is extending oneself.

~  I'd rather stand on sound truth than fall from a collapsed lie any day.

Copyright © 2013  Sunida E. York   All rights reserved.