Tyler Perry shares painful past on Oprah

Tyler Perry appeared on the Oprah show today to talk in-depth about a childhood riddled with verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Being a sickly child triggered an abnormal hatred and rage in his father who expressed it by berating and beating his son. Although his mother knew that he was being abused, she was incapable of shielding him since she was beaten and threatened constantly as well, Perry acknowledged.

His story is a powerful one and a testament to many who have suffered abuse that it is possible to overcome such tragic circumstances. Guided through his childhood torment by the exquisitely skillful interviewer and his good friend, Oprah, he told of being unnerved by the mind games his father played. In order to protect himself during brutal beatings, in his mind, he would travel to a park where he once had so much fun. After a particularly vicious beating with a vacuum cleaner hose that left large open welts, Tyler fled to his aunt Jerry's house. She grabbed a gun an confronted his father. She is the inspiration behind his Madea character. One of the saddest parts of his story has Tyler being beaten so mercilessly after his father caught him smirking at him that he could see the little boy (himself) not retreating to the park but instead running away. He said that he died that day. The beating caused him to pass out for three days.

One huge reason Tyler Perry the movie mogul agreed to lay bare his private pain is so that other men who have suffered sexual abuse as children will be able to talk about it and free themselves. At a tender age (5 or 6) his neighbor with whom he was building a bird house or cage put his hand in his pants and without fulling knowing what was happening to him, he experienced an erection. "My body betrayed me," he said. Eventually, a male nurse at the hospital where Perry had been rushed from school did the same thing to him. His third encounter with sexual abuse involved a man from his church who performed oral sex on him and used scriptures from the bible that he had undoubtedly twisted to justify his actions. There was a woman who was the mother of one of his friends who locked him in her house when he attempted to leave, put the key in her vagina and told him that he had to reach in to get it if he wanted to go home. Once he did, he had an erection and the woman pulled him into her to complete her devious plan.

When Oprah asked if he ever told anyone about the sexual abuse, he shared a disgusting story of his father teaching him at an early age that telling would only make things worse for him. A little girl whom Perry liked told him that his father had tried to touch her. One night when she was staying over, he witnessed his father come into the room and try to touch her as she lay in the bed across the room. His father retreated when Tyler turned over in his bed. Tyler told his mother. She packed up the kids and left only to return hours later. His father's physical and verbal abuse got much worse. That was the first and last time that he told.

"You expect as a child that your mother is going to protect you," Oprah said. However, he conceded that his mother was a passive person and that, coupled with the abuse that she was experiencing at the hands of his father, rendered her unable to protect him. As a result, he would spend hours in a crawl space under the house, hiding from the wrath of his own father. "Predators know when a child is an easy mark," he responded when Oprah asked how the other people knew that they could molest him and get away with it.

Perry's years of unbridled abuse caused him to struggle with his sexual identity, intimacy and relationships for a long time. He also had difficulty with issues of anger and rage. When asked how he "acted out" he revealed that he used to make everyone around him miserable, burned down a house, burned his car, and stole things.

"Your father will hear about this show. How do you feel about that?" Oprah inquired.

"I don't care," Perry declared nonchalantly but as a matter of fact. He went on to say that after exposing the abuse in an email to his legions of fans, he received this message from his father sent through his brother.

"If I had beat your ass one more time, you would have been Barack Obama."

In spite of all of the pain he has caused, Perry said that he forgave his father and actually takes care of him. He has provided him with a home and sends monthly checks to him. However, he revealed that he still harbors fear that his father might harm him and therefore refuses to have him in his life.

Oprah said more than once that Tyler Perry was taking a risk by telling such a detailed story of the abuse and degradation he has suffered. I think that he showed a tremendous amount of strength, courage, humility and high character. He has nothing to fear from his fans except an outpouring of love and support that will only be surpassed by their appreciation for giving them the inspiration that they need to tell their own stories.

Predators hide in the dark. That dark, secret place is also their stronghold. It sustains their power and allows them to operate unchecked. It's time for victims to put them in the spotlight so that they will not have the power to hurt anyone else.

Perry's tenth movie, For Colored Girls, will be premiering in November. Join Oprah and Tyler on November 5, 2010 for a special show in which her studio will be filled with 200 men who want to share their stories, how it has changed their lives, and hopefully to heal.

Woman's boyfriend tortures 4-year-old daughter

More than once on this blog, I've posed the question to parents, "Do you know who's watching your child?" Headlines like the one above require that parents be more diligent about scrutinizing the people with whom they leave their children for any significant amount of time.

In Johnston County, NC, a 4-year-old girl is in critical condition because of head trauma, injuries indicative of sexual abuse, bites, and bruises and abrasions that cover her small body. She was left in the care of her mother's boyfriend of six months while the woman reported to the Army Reserves for training in New Mexico.

Seasoned investigators involved in the case stated that they had never seen such pervasive abuse before. Jonathan Douglas Richardson, 21, of Smithfield, is being held in the Johnston County jail on $1 million bond for felony child abuse with severe bodily injury.

The child's mother was contacted and she returned home.

Usually, I try not to be too judgmental, but not in this case.  The woman moved into a BARN in the back of this man's parents' home with her 4-year-old daughter after knowing him for six months.  What?!  Are you kidding me?  Where is the little girl's father? Why was this child not left in the care of her father? He must not have been involved in his daughter's life.  Shame on him.  I haven't walked in this mother's shoes so I don't want to be too harsh but her focus should have been on what's best for her daughter.  Her judgment of this man's character seems to be extremely lacking.  Personally, I would never leave a female child with a male who is not her father and I would be hesitant to leave her with the father for more than a few minutes because of the amount and type of data on child abuse.  Sadly, most children are abused by someone they know and should be able to trust.

In fairness to men, I should point out that some women sexually abuse children as well.  It's ludicrous that somehow society sees this as a lucky situation when it involves a young male with an older female.  It is still abuse and is as confusing, detrimental, demoralizing, and devastating as it is for a young girl. We should be just as outraged when it happens to a boy as when it happens to a girl.  Children should be able to grow up without abuse of any kind scarring their lives.

Parents are the shield that protects their children from the world.  Parents must ensure the safety of their children.  It is a duty inherent with the decision to bring a child into the world. 

Who did you leave your child with today?  Can you trust him or her as much as you thought you could?  Ask your child questions when you get them back into the safety of your care.  Assure them that they can tell you if anyone has touched them inappropriately or said or done anything that made them feel uncomfortable or afraid, even if the person has told them not to tell.  Sometimes children are threatened about what will happen if they tell and sometimes they are lulled into a false belief that what the perpetrator is doing to them is okay, normal, and just their innocent little secret.  As the parent and protector, you have to keep an open dialogue with your child and be more convincing than the bad guy so that your child trusts you instead of the person who is harmful. 


Parents, your child's protection, safety, security are based on the choices you make. Make them the right choices as often as you can.

Links to child safety websites:


National Center for Missing & Exploited Children: Resources for Parents & Guardians

Polly Klaas Foundation: Keeping Children Safe  (this site offers a free child safety kit)


America's Security Products Mall: Child Safety Devices

DNA from skeletal remains match Caylee Anthony

The skeletal remains found in a wooded area just a mile or so from the Anthony home have been matched to the DNA profile of Caylee Anthony. Dr. Jan Garavaglia, of the television show, "Dr. G., Medical Examiner", confirmed that the test was conclusive. The child went missing in June. She was just two years old at the time. Her mother, Casey Anthony, never bothered to report her missing.

Police were made aware of the Caylee's disappearance by her grandmother, who had not seen her for at least a month. The grandmother also reported to police that Casey's car smelled as if something dead was in the trunk.

Case Anthony was arrested in October and charged with first-degree murder in the case. Pictures of her partying after her daughter went missing seemed to capture the 22-year-old's lack of concern for her missing child.

Click here for a link to the full article: Yahoo! News

This one's for you, Caylee.


Caylee's Destiny

Big brown eyes adorn a beautiful little face
You didn't have much time in this life, this place
Destiny had other plans for you, fair one
The impact you had on others has just begun
To manifest. But what an impact it will be
Your death will cause things to be done differently
People will stop assuming that every parent is "good"
And that they love and care for their child as they should
More people will step up when they see a child in need
When reports are made to authorities, they will take heed
Because people are going to remember your story, your adorable face
And someone will act when a child goes missing from their normal space
Caylee, your unspeakable demise would not have been in vain
If it spares one innocent child from a moment of pain
Now you can be an angel, like the ones who spirited your soul away
Enjoy the love and tranquility you wake up to in heaven each day

Sunida E. York © 2008 All Rights Reserved