No Shame in My Name

I was privy to a conversation in which a 40-something year-old woman referred to a 16-year-old young lady as a "little heifer". Taken aback, I decided to challenge her on the use of that particular word when describing the girl. The woman explained that she grew up in a family that used the word frequently. She also said that the use of it was not viewed as offensive by the family unit.

Well, I was offended. This was an adult talking about a child. So, I said to her that we, as adults, should be acting as role models for our children. We should strive to impact their lives in a positive manner. I asked her to allow herself to imagine the potentially positive outcome of her encounter with the teenager had she greeted her with a warm smile and a friendly word. While growing up, I always relished such treatment from women. It made me feel important simply because I mattered enough for her to take the time to acknowledge me in a way that uplifted me. Even though I am now 40-something, I still feel flattered when an older woman greets me with kind words and gestures. It is simply human nature to enjoy an exchange that caresses the spirit rather than bruising it.

To those of you who've read my humorous book and are ready to cry "foul", read the passage (and perhaps the book) again. The book is written in the vain of stand-up comedy and intended to make adults laugh. That bears no comparison to berating, demeaning, and belittling developmentally fragile personalities that are our children. Let's handle our children with care so as not to break their spirits and damage them beyond repair.

If you or someone you know needs a little encouragement to suppress the name calling problem, I'm including a poem to do just that. Enjoy... and call us all by our names!

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No Shame in My Name

Most of us answer to the name given to us at birth
Never equating it to our feelings of self worth
But what happens when we are called by the name of something
we could never be?
The result is that it slowly chips away at our image inwardly
Whether accosted in public or behind closed doors with a name less than adorable
The use of such a demeaning form of censure is simply deplorable
A young girl being called a “heifer” during her formative years
Will most likely be left with the “I’m not good enough” doubts and fears
And the “B word” is bantered about so effortlessly
That its use easily survives through multiple generations of the family tree
We all know the names young men are called, so they won’t be repeated here
The devastating effects are seen in their lack of respect for self and
others… it’s crystal clear
Let’s raise the next generation of children with love and respect, starting now
Don’t allow yourself to refer to any woman, young or old, as a cow
Refrain from equating people to animals or words intended solely to shame
When you refer to yourself, speak to and about others, and talk to
your children, call each person by his name
Allow love, acceptance, care and understanding to undulate in your
tone and sparkle in your eyes
You may not see an immediate effect but it will take root in their
souls and eventually rise
In turn, our children will learn to treat themselves and others they
encounter well throughout life
Begin the process at home. Never treat the stranger in the street
better than you treat your child, your husband, your wife
There are no human heifers, no human female dogs, and no
fatherless male child who should hang his head in shame
We claim to want the world to be a better place… let’s start by
calling each person by his or her rightful name


Sunida E. York © 2008 All Rights Reserved