Keep Your Jingle Bells On

Remember those wonderful television families that rarely have disagreements and even when they do, the difficulties are soon replaced with sensible discussions followed by hugs and everyone making up? Well, in reality, most families are not like this and mine is no exception.

Since I tend to get rubbed the wrong way pretty easily by some members of the family, my sister told me that I had to wear my jingle bells during the holidays. With a puzzled look adorning my face, I asked, "What? Wear my jingle bells? What the heck are you talking about?" She replied, "You know, wear your jingle bells!"

Since that really was not an explanation, I questioned her further, "What exactly does that mean?" So, she went on to explain that the phrase means that when one is accosted by rude behavior that is irritating enough to cause one to respond with anger and hostility, imagine hearing the tinkle of jingle bells to remind you of the spirit of the season which should compel you to ignore the source of your irritation and remain calm instead. It sounded silly yet plausible. So, I agreed to wear my jingle bells. Amazingly, it worked better than I would have imagined.

Fate being what it is... unpredictable... a situation arose that, while sad, had the potential to erupt into an even worse scenario than the holiday season could have brought about. The entire family would be coming home for a funeral. There was my sister telling me to keep my jingle bells on even though Christmas had passed. Now, mind you, I am a nice person but I don't deal well with certain personality types that seem to be abundant in this group of people. I am direct and I don't dabble in shades of gray. Many people find it equally difficult to deal with me. Such is life. We all have our burdens to bear, as the old saying goes. Sometimes, the best way for me to carry my burden is to avoid all contact with the source of my displeasure. Consequently, I had not spoken with the deceased in two or three years. That said, I managed to navigate that entire situation without exchanging a cross word with anyone. However, if nasty looks were deadly, my funeral would be held this coming Saturday.

I had kept my jingle bells on! Because I did, I was unaffected by the blatant disrespect of the people who attempted to irritate me. I suppose they felt that they were paying some type of homage to their departed family member and friend because she and I did not get along well. Of course, they only had her side of the story. That's perfectly alright with me. Most of them (even the ones who are blood relatives of mine) are only acquaintances. So, they don't add or delete any value from my life. And, I kept hearing my sister's voice saying, "Keep your jingle bells on!" I had given her my word that I would and I did just that. Ultimately, when someone thought that he or she was slighting me, it only served to amuse me.

Honestly, people, there are so many families out there that are just as fractured and dysfunctional as this one. Although you'd love to get along with all of your relatives and their spouses, it's often impossible. If someone maligns your character to anyone who is willing to listen and take stock in that person's assertions without ever finding out the truth of the matter, that person should not be surprised or disappointed when you put some space between you and him or her. A wise friend once told me that sometimes you have to love some people from a distance. While I agree completely with that assessment, I think that the reality is that some people don't allow you to love them at all. It's their choice. All the rest of us need to do is keep our jingle bells on.

Someone sent me an e-mail that had several sayings at the end. It included these two... When dealing with yourself, use your head. When dealing with others, use your heart. I suppose that's a different way of telling folks to keep those jingle bells on. By the way, those statements were not attributed to an author, so I can't give anyone the proper credit. I did think that it was quite a coincidence that on the same day I decided to write this blog, I received that email. I didn't make a resolution for the new year, so I will make it a point to try to keep all three sayings in mind and in play but not just for 2008... for life. Anyone care to join me? Of course you do. I think I hear your bells jingling, baby! Peace and blessings!